Handsome Matt

I was running on the treadmill when I saw him. I almost fell off. I had to hit the emergency stop button to prevent an accident. He was the most handsome man I’d seen in years. OK, maybe not years, but that’s how long it felt.

He had muscles in strategic areas. He was lean and handsome. He had a beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes and he was wearing a personal trainer’s uniform.

‘Hey, Ed.’

Ed was running on a treadmill next to mine. ‘What?’ he asked, out of breath.

‘Is that a new PT? I’ve never seen him here before,’ I said.

Ed spotted him. He jumped and stood with his legs spread open on the unmoving edge of the treadmill, while the belt was still moving.

‘OMG! He’s so cute,’ he said. ‘Aren’t you gonna go and introduce yourself?’

‘What?’

‘I can see you’re interested.’

‘Forget about him, Q, PT’s are broke,’ Thando said, butting in on our private conversation. She was running fast, but was barely out of breath. ‘You’ll never see me dead with one, except, of course, if he’s my trainer.’ She chuckled.

‘That’s not true. PT’s are not broke.’ I shook my head. ‘That’s beside the point.’

‘Easy for you to say, you’re a working girl,’ she said, contempt dripping from her voice. You’d swear my job involved doing something illegal.

I stepped down from the treadmill after the woman in front of the waiting queue gave me a dirty look for the third time. Ed joined me. We left Thando hard at work.

The handsome PT walked past us. I held my breath. Ed pushed me towards him and I collided with him. He stumbled a little, but managed to stay on his feet.

Ed quickly walked away, leaving me with the mess.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked.

Oh what a gentlemen, I thought. ‘I’m fine. Again, I’m sorry.’

He smiled. Something started to happen in my stomach. Butterflies, I thought.

‘My name is Qaqamba, but everyone calls me Q.’ I stretched out my hand. He shook it. His hand was so soft.

‘I’m Matt,’ he said.

‘I’ve never seen you here before.’

‘I’m new in town. I’m from Cape Town.’

‘Welcome to Jo’burg.’ I couldn’t think of anything more intelligent to say. ‘You know, if you like, my friends and I could show you around.’ I giggled like a love struck teenager.

What is wrong with you? I chastised myself.

‘OK.’

‘Really?’ I was surprised.

‘Under one condition.’

‘Name it.’

‘You sign up as my client.’

I looked down at myself. ‘Do I really look that fat?’

He lifted his hands. ‘Oh no, no. I just need more clients.’

‘Just teasing.’ I laughed. ‘Deal. I’ll sign up my friends as well.’

I smiled. I wasn’t looking for a man right now, but if Matt dropped down on one knee, I would shout YES!

‘Q?’ Matt called as I walked away. I turned quickly.

‘Yes?’

He cleared his throat and shifted on his feet. ‘I’m gay.’

‘What?’

‘I just wanted it out there.’

‘Sorry, what?’

‘I’m gay,’ he said again.

‘Are you sure?’

He laughed and nodded. ‘Very much so.’

I shrugged, pretending not to be interested. ‘You don’t have to lie in order to blow me off. I’m not interested in you,’ I lied.

‘I’m not lying. I am gay.’

‘Good,’ I said and walked away. I felt my cheeks heat up. At that moment, I wished the ground would open up, swallow me whole, and spare me of this embarrassment.  One thing for sure, I was never coming back to this gym. No way I’d be able to face Matt ever again.

Liquid Die… I Mean Diet

My diet wasn’t working. The ugly scale confirmed it. The number stared up at me defiantly. 73kg. I wanted to scream at it, but instead I tucked the scale away and started forming a new plan.

I’ve been invited to an exclusive party in little over a week. A party that many celebrities were going to attend. It was hosted by Thando’s new boyfriend. I was desperate to lose at least 5kg by then. OK, maybe 3kg was more realistic. So I decided to do what anyone in my position would have done. I did a liquid diet. You know, like the one Beyoncé did to lose all that weight in fourteen days. Only, I didn’t have fourteen days, only seven.

Day1

Day 1 on the diet was horrible. I was so hungry. All I thought about was a juicy steak. I could envision it, smell it, taste it. It grew legs and walked towards me. Inviting me. I salivated. Then I opened my eyes and the image evaporated. I was so hungry. What made matters worse was all my friends and colleagues eating delicious food. Did they have to do that in front of me?

‘Why are you killing yourself?’ Ed asked. He had an oversized chicken leg in his hand. I was sure that the chicken was full of growth hormones. Nevertheless, it still smelled good.

‘I need to look good. You heard what Thando said, celebs are gonna be there,’ I said.

‘I can’t wait to meet her man,’ Ed said. ‘Thando!’ he called.

Thando appeared from her bedroom. ‘Whatup?’

‘Does your man have any gorgeous, single friends?’

‘I believe he does. Want me to hook you up?’

Ed smiled. ‘Oh would you please? Being alone sucks. I need someone to share my life with.’

I rolled my eyes. I lifted the bottle of my disgusting concoction and took a sip. I had physical pain in my stomach, that’s how hungry I was.

‘That can’t be healthy for you,’ Thando said. ‘What is it?’

‘A way for me to lose weight fast. I need to look good for your party. I don’t want you to feel embarrassed when you introduce me to your man,’ I said.

‘Why would I feel embarrassed?’

‘Because I’m fat.’

‘Are you kidding me? You are not fat. You look fine the way you are. I want you alive, not killed by diet. Besides, if you’re dead, you’ll miss out on the fabulous party.’

I smiled and nodded. I had good friends who loved and cared for me.

‘Hmmm, Ed, that looks amazing,’ she said, pointing at the oversized leg of chicken. ‘I think I’ll have some.’

‘Help yourself. I bought enough for everyone. Q…’ he turned to me, ‘…there’s a piece for you also.’

I ignored him. I was sure the scale would reward me the next day. It didn’t.

Day2

I hate the scale. The ugly, unfeeling, uncaring piece of metal. I stared at the number and couldn’t believe it. I’d starved myself for an entire day and this is how I get rewarded? The number stared at me defiantly. 72.9kg. Thus ended the crazy liquid die, I mean diet.

The Naked Truth

I have a problem with taking my clothes off in public. Deep inside, I’m a shy girl. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve seen other girls at the gym shielding themselves with towels as they change into or out of their gym clothes. However, there are those girls who takes it all off and march to the shower room in their birthday suits.

I stood in the change room watching these two groups of women after my difficult session at the gym. I really wanted to take a shower, but the thought of being naked in front of all these strangers made my skin crawl.

To make matters worse was that most of these women had perfect bodies, there was no way I would strip my imperfect body in front of them.

I decided to go to a stall and changed there. I wrapped myself in my large towel and went to shower.

While I was having my shower woes, Thando was enjoying caviar with her soon to be boyfriend. She told us about the date later that day when she returned. I was sitting with my feet up, eating a salad.

Ed came out of the kitchen carrying a large burger. Cruel.

‘You’re back,’ he said, as Thando walked in. ‘What happened?’

Thando placed her bag on the floor next to the couch. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’ She sat down next to me and scowled at my salad. ‘Back on the diet, I see.’

‘Shut up,’ I said.

‘I thought you were going to spend the night with Mr Right,’ Ed said.

Thando let out a sarcastic laugh. ‘After only one date?’

‘You’ve done it before,’ I commented.

Thando shrugged. ‘Well, this time it’s different. I really think he could be the one. I really like him.’ She smiled.

‘So how loaded is he?’ Ed asked.

‘Very. He’s an entrepreneur. His business is doing great and he has a few tenders from the government.’

Ed nodded, impressed.

‘He has a yacht at the coast. I can’t wait to visit the coast with him. Fly first class…’ She looked at a distance, as if daydreaming.

‘It seems like you’ve hit a jackpot this time,’ Ed said.

I kicked him playfully on the leg. Ed had a habit of speaking his mind. But what he said didn’t bother Thando. She couldn’t care less what Ed thought of her or what anyone thought of her, for that matter.

‘I’m the luckiest girl alive. And out of the three of us, I’m the only one with a boyfriend.’

Ed frowned, clearly unhappy to be single. I didn’t care. I wasn’t desperate to have a man.

My stomach growled. Ed handed me half of his burger. I shook my head.

‘Eat. You’re starving.’ He shoved the burger in my face.

Starving, I was. But a burger? A burger had so many calories. My stomach growled again. I reached for the burger and stuffed my face. So much for the hour I spent at the gym.

Obsession

Dieting is not easy. No really, it’s hard. That was the reason I never believed those ads in magazines of people who claim to have lost 20kg in three months. Are you kidding me? Even if you starved yourself for three months and consumed nothing but water, you still wouldn’t lose 20kg. It’s just another heartless diet company trying to lure desperate slimmers, of which I had been one, more times than I would like to recall.

It took me forever to lose the first 10kg, now I was battling to lose the last 10kg. I was exercising until I was soaked and eating better than average, but still nothing. I was getting really discouraged. How come other people could lose weight, but I couldn’t? I wanted to breakdown and cry, but I knew that no amount of lamenting would help me shed 10kg. If only there was a magic pill. Especially because today I seriously didn’t feel like going to gym.

A relentless knock at my door forced me to get up from the couch. I knew who it was and I knew what he wanted. I opened the door and Ed, my best friend, smiled at me, revealing his perfect white teeth. He was wearing his gym gear.

He looked at me and shook his head. ‘I’m not leaving without you,’ he said.

‘I’m not going. What’s the point?’ I said.

‘The point is you’d lose weight.’

I rolled my eyes.

‘Tone up.’

He waited for a response from me, but got none.

‘Meet a man,’ he said.

‘That’s your reason, not mine. I don’t wanna be with a man who’s gonna constantly update me about his percentage body fat,’ I said.

‘Do it for me then. For your best friend.’

Ed had recently been single and didn’t like it. He’s one of those people who’d date just so they’re not alone. He was even attempting to meet a man at the gym. That’s the only reason he went. He was as thin as a rake and needed no exercise. If you asked me, he could add some meat to his bones.

Being overweight was making me hate my life. I had a successful career, a lovely home, nice car and an OK family. So why was I so miserable? The answer: 10kg. Stubborn 10kg. I didn’t want a man; I wanted to drop these stubborn pounds. To lose the round cheeks. To shape my shapeless behind. To rid myself of my thunder thighs. And for my muffin top to be gone. I covered my face with my hands.

Thando Mava, my roommate and childhood friend, came out of her bedroom all dressed up. ‘What’s with her?’ she asked.

‘She angry at her fat,’ Ed said. He turned to look at Thando. ‘Girl, you look really good in that dress.’

‘I know.’ Thando turned around revealing the rest of her outfit to us.

She had a perfect body. Curves in all the right places. And she had long legs than went on forever. We were the same height, but because I carried an extra 10kg, I looked like a giant while she looked like a model.

‘So where you off to?’ Ed asked.

‘Date.’

‘With?’

‘You don’t know him.’

‘Let me guess,’ Ed said. ‘He’s rich and he’s rich and he’s rich.’

‘And he’s old and probably ugly,’ I added.

Thando shifted on her feet. ‘For your info… he’s handsome and he’s very much young.’

‘Three letters, my friend. BEE,’ Ed said.

‘Oh, Ed, don’t be jealous.’

‘Why on earth would I be jealous?’

‘I have a date and you don’t.’

That kept Ed silent.

‘Hey,’ I said, pointing at Thando’s shoes. ‘Those are my shoes.’

‘You have really nice clothes. Pity we’re not the same size, else I would have borrowed more than your shoes. I have to bring my A game tonight. I think this guy is the one.’

‘That means he has a huge bank account,’ Ed said.

Thando smiled. ‘He does. Soon all my money problems will be over and I can finally move out of here and get my own place. Wish me luck.’ Her smile widened. She grabbed her handbag and walked out.

Ed shook his head. ‘If chasing rich men was a sport, Thando would always be the winner.’

Thando only dated men with money. If they were also famous, she saw it as a cherry on top. She had made a name for herself as a gold digger. This didn’t bother her, because she couldn’t care less what people thought of her.

‘We should encourage her to return to acting. You know, do something that she would be proud of,’ I said.

‘Girl, she tried that, and she sucked at it. She’s much better at chasing money,’ Ed said.

‘She was not that bad. I mean… she was not the greatest. But you’ll never know, we might find ourselves attending the Oscars, hence I need to lose these pounds. George Clooney cannot see me looking like a balloon.’

A deep frown formed on his face. ‘I thought it was Jonny Depp.’

‘No. It’s George Clooney and he wants me to lose this weight.’

Thinking of George Clooney seeing me fat, gave me a surge of energy. I jumped out of the couch.

‘Give me a minute, I’ll come with you to the gym.’

‘Amen! Thank you Mr Clooney.’ He smiled.

I had to thank Mr Clooney as well, because of him I might just start chiselling off the excess fat.