The Case of the Ex

Getting back together with an ex is an act of desperation. It’s a sign that all hope has been abandoned, that the ship was sinking. I had reached that level of desperation, so when my high school sweetheart showed up in town, I had to see him. My friends thought it was a bad idea. We were all chilling at my apartment on a Sunday evening when they voiced their objections.

‘It’s never a good idea to see your ex,’ Ed said. ‘I’ll never, ever, ever see my high school partner ever again.’

‘That’s way too many evers, Ed,’ Thando said. ‘There has to be a story there.’

‘No,’ Ed said way too quickly. He looked away.

‘Her name was Elaine,’ I said, laughing as I remembered the story.

Thando raised her eyebrows. ‘Her?’ She looked at Ed. ‘How come I never heard anything about this?’

‘Because… it was a fake relationship. I did it to make my parents happy. They were concerned about my lack of interest in women,’ Ed said. ‘They were so happy when I brought Elaine home to introduce her to them.’

‘Did Elaine know that you were gay?’ Matt asked.

Ed shrugged. ‘Towards the end she suspected… I think.’

‘You never told her?’ Thando asked.

Ed shook his head. ‘If I told her, she would have told my parents. I couldn’t risk it.’

‘You haven’t told your parents that you’re gay?’ Thando asked.

‘No,’ I said, not giving Ed a chance to respond. ‘This one time when they were visiting, I had to pretend that I was his girlfriend.’

Thando laughed. ‘I don’t understand, how could they not know?’ She laughed again.

Matt didn’t find any of this funny.

‘So every time they visit, I have to be around to play happy home,’ I said. ‘And trust me, Ed and I make a very convincing fake couple.’

‘Where was I when they came?’ Thando asked. ‘I’ve never met your parents.’

I took a sip of my coffee to avoid saying something that would cause trouble for Ed. Ed stood and walked to the kitchen with the empty plate to refill it with biscuits.

The truth was that Ed didn’t want his parents to meet Thando. They were conservative and Thando was always in the media for the wrong reasons. Ed thought it be best that his parents knew nothing about his friendship with Thando.

Ed returned from the kitchen. ‘I’m sure my parents will love you. The next time they’re in town I’ll let you know,’ he lied.

That made Thando smile.

‘What about me?’ Matt asked.

We all turned and looked at him. I cleared my throat. Thando watched with interest. The situation turned a little awkward.

Ed reached for Matt’s hand. Matt pulled his hand away. ‘I’ll have to tell them I’m gay first before I introduce you as my partner. Else they’ll have a heart attack. You understand, don’t you?’

Without saying another word, Matt stood and left.

‘Matt come on… please understand.’

Matt didn’t stop. He slammed the door behind him.

‘Thank you very much, Q,’ Ed said. He followed Matt out of the door.

‘What did I do?’ I asked.

Thando shrugged. She reached for a biscuit.

I watched them go. Ed was in trouble. I couldn’t help him. I wish I could, but I had problems of my own, like what I would I wear when I met my high school sweetheart.

Handsome Matt

I was running on the treadmill when I saw him. I almost fell off. I had to hit the emergency stop button to prevent an accident. He was the most handsome man I’d seen in years. OK, maybe not years, but that’s how long it felt.

He had muscles in strategic areas. He was lean and handsome. He had a beautiful smile, gorgeous eyes and he was wearing a personal trainer’s uniform.

‘Hey, Ed.’

Ed was running on a treadmill next to mine. ‘What?’ he asked, out of breath.

‘Is that a new PT? I’ve never seen him here before,’ I said.

Ed spotted him. He jumped and stood with his legs spread open on the unmoving edge of the treadmill, while the belt was still moving.

‘OMG! He’s so cute,’ he said. ‘Aren’t you gonna go and introduce yourself?’

‘What?’

‘I can see you’re interested.’

‘Forget about him, Q, PT’s are broke,’ Thando said, butting in on our private conversation. She was running fast, but was barely out of breath. ‘You’ll never see me dead with one, except, of course, if he’s my trainer.’ She chuckled.

‘That’s not true. PT’s are not broke.’ I shook my head. ‘That’s beside the point.’

‘Easy for you to say, you’re a working girl,’ she said, contempt dripping from her voice. You’d swear my job involved doing something illegal.

I stepped down from the treadmill after the woman in front of the waiting queue gave me a dirty look for the third time. Ed joined me. We left Thando hard at work.

The handsome PT walked past us. I held my breath. Ed pushed me towards him and I collided with him. He stumbled a little, but managed to stay on his feet.

Ed quickly walked away, leaving me with the mess.

‘I’m so sorry,’ I said.

‘Are you OK?’ he asked.

Oh what a gentlemen, I thought. ‘I’m fine. Again, I’m sorry.’

He smiled. Something started to happen in my stomach. Butterflies, I thought.

‘My name is Qaqamba, but everyone calls me Q.’ I stretched out my hand. He shook it. His hand was so soft.

‘I’m Matt,’ he said.

‘I’ve never seen you here before.’

‘I’m new in town. I’m from Cape Town.’

‘Welcome to Jo’burg.’ I couldn’t think of anything more intelligent to say. ‘You know, if you like, my friends and I could show you around.’ I giggled like a love struck teenager.

What is wrong with you? I chastised myself.

‘OK.’

‘Really?’ I was surprised.

‘Under one condition.’

‘Name it.’

‘You sign up as my client.’

I looked down at myself. ‘Do I really look that fat?’

He lifted his hands. ‘Oh no, no. I just need more clients.’

‘Just teasing.’ I laughed. ‘Deal. I’ll sign up my friends as well.’

I smiled. I wasn’t looking for a man right now, but if Matt dropped down on one knee, I would shout YES!

‘Q?’ Matt called as I walked away. I turned quickly.

‘Yes?’

He cleared his throat and shifted on his feet. ‘I’m gay.’

‘What?’

‘I just wanted it out there.’

‘Sorry, what?’

‘I’m gay,’ he said again.

‘Are you sure?’

He laughed and nodded. ‘Very much so.’

I shrugged, pretending not to be interested. ‘You don’t have to lie in order to blow me off. I’m not interested in you,’ I lied.

‘I’m not lying. I am gay.’

‘Good,’ I said and walked away. I felt my cheeks heat up. At that moment, I wished the ground would open up, swallow me whole, and spare me of this embarrassment.  One thing for sure, I was never coming back to this gym. No way I’d be able to face Matt ever again.