A Wonderful Encounter

For months now I’ve been avoid the scale. No woman wants confirmation that her weight was on the rise. But avoiding the scales did not help, because my clothes confirmed my fears. I was getting big and I had to do something about it or buy new clothes that fit. As exciting as shopping was, buying a larger size was terrifying.

I approached Matt and asked him to be my personal trainer. It was difficult to admit that I needed help, but it was better than buying a size 38 pants. Just a thought of wearing a bigger size sent me racing on a treadmill. What made me work harder were the stares I was getting from my colleagues. One person even asked me whether I was expecting. I was mortified.

‘You don’t look that bad,’ Thando lied. She was a good friend who wanted to spare my feelings.

‘She’s lying to you,’ Matt said. ‘A true friend would tell you that you’re becoming too big for your jeans. You’re literally spilling out of your pants.’

‘I’m sorry, Q, you know I love you, but I have to agree with Matt on this one,’ Ed said.

I covered my face with my hands. I don’t know how I’d let myself go.

‘I’ll help you get rid of the muffin top,’ Matt said. ‘You have to strictly follow my plan. No cheating. No slacking.’

I nodded. I was determined to lose this weight.

‘May I ask what caused you to…’ Thando hesitated, trying to find the right words. ‘…let yourself go?’

It was a good question. One I didn’t want to face. The overeating started after I found out that Sbu was engaged. I knew that I had lost him forever, so I turned to food for comfort. After all, nothing says all is well better than chocolate.

‘You know what you need?’ Thando said. ‘A boyfriend. Having sex will help you burn a lot of calories.’

I laughed. She was right. If I wanted to forget about Sbu, I had to get back into the dating world. ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to be hurt again.’

‘Oh don’t worry. I know this guy from varsity. He’d be perfect for you. And he’s so sweet, he wouldn’t hurt a fly,’ Thando said.

I nodded. ‘I guess one date wouldn’t hurt.’

That response resulted in a string of blind dates. All my friends decided to set me up. Even my editor, Gail, had a friend, who had a friend who was single.

Most of those blind dates were disastrous. It was enough to put me off blind dates for life. I had just about given up on meeting someone special when I ran into a young man at my favourite restaurant in Sandton.

He was handsome and younger that I. He was a musician. I was there on a bad blind date and as luck would have it, his band was playing there that night. It made my bad blind date tolerable.

The attraction was instant. I gazed at him on the stage and he winked at me. He played his guitar so well. He fingers gently striking the right cord each time.

All of the sudden, it was the two of us in the room. He was playing the song for me, looking straight into my eyes. I was having a lovely time until I was reminded that I was on a date with another man.

I blinked away from my daydream and focused on what he was saying. He was rambling on about what he was worth, how much money he had in the bank, what car he drove and about future acquisitions. I was bored out of my skull. But I didn’t leave, because I was hoping to have a chance encounter with the guitar player.

When the band exited the stage, I tried escaping the horrible blind date, but failed. Mr self-important wouldn’t let me leave. When I told him I had to go, he started weeping. I was so confused. So I stayed for another hour to stroke his ego.

When the date finally ended, I was sure the band had left. I was disappointed. I’d hope to meet them, tell them how wonderful they were, and perhaps slip my number to the guitarist while at it.

As I walked to my car, someone approached me. It was the guitarist. He smiled and waved his hand. I waved back.

‘I saw you suffering there on your date and wished I could rescue you,’ he said. ‘But your date was so big I was afraid he would punch me.’

I laughed. ‘Q,’ I said extending my hand.

‘Excuse me?’

‘My name… I mean… My name is Qaqamba, but everyone calls me Q.’

‘Nice to meet you, Q. My name is Tato. I’d like to buy you a drink. Would you like to go back inside for a real date?’

I smiled. Things were suddenly looking up. We went inside for drinks and had an opportunity to get to know each other better. Tato rescued my evening and turned a horrible experience to a wonderful encounter.

Liquid Die… I Mean Diet

My diet wasn’t working. The ugly scale confirmed it. The number stared up at me defiantly. 73kg. I wanted to scream at it, but instead I tucked the scale away and started forming a new plan.

I’ve been invited to an exclusive party in little over a week. A party that many celebrities were going to attend. It was hosted by Thando’s new boyfriend. I was desperate to lose at least 5kg by then. OK, maybe 3kg was more realistic. So I decided to do what anyone in my position would have done. I did a liquid diet. You know, like the one Beyoncé did to lose all that weight in fourteen days. Only, I didn’t have fourteen days, only seven.

Day1

Day 1 on the diet was horrible. I was so hungry. All I thought about was a juicy steak. I could envision it, smell it, taste it. It grew legs and walked towards me. Inviting me. I salivated. Then I opened my eyes and the image evaporated. I was so hungry. What made matters worse was all my friends and colleagues eating delicious food. Did they have to do that in front of me?

‘Why are you killing yourself?’ Ed asked. He had an oversized chicken leg in his hand. I was sure that the chicken was full of growth hormones. Nevertheless, it still smelled good.

‘I need to look good. You heard what Thando said, celebs are gonna be there,’ I said.

‘I can’t wait to meet her man,’ Ed said. ‘Thando!’ he called.

Thando appeared from her bedroom. ‘Whatup?’

‘Does your man have any gorgeous, single friends?’

‘I believe he does. Want me to hook you up?’

Ed smiled. ‘Oh would you please? Being alone sucks. I need someone to share my life with.’

I rolled my eyes. I lifted the bottle of my disgusting concoction and took a sip. I had physical pain in my stomach, that’s how hungry I was.

‘That can’t be healthy for you,’ Thando said. ‘What is it?’

‘A way for me to lose weight fast. I need to look good for your party. I don’t want you to feel embarrassed when you introduce me to your man,’ I said.

‘Why would I feel embarrassed?’

‘Because I’m fat.’

‘Are you kidding me? You are not fat. You look fine the way you are. I want you alive, not killed by diet. Besides, if you’re dead, you’ll miss out on the fabulous party.’

I smiled and nodded. I had good friends who loved and cared for me.

‘Hmmm, Ed, that looks amazing,’ she said, pointing at the oversized leg of chicken. ‘I think I’ll have some.’

‘Help yourself. I bought enough for everyone. Q…’ he turned to me, ‘…there’s a piece for you also.’

I ignored him. I was sure the scale would reward me the next day. It didn’t.

Day2

I hate the scale. The ugly, unfeeling, uncaring piece of metal. I stared at the number and couldn’t believe it. I’d starved myself for an entire day and this is how I get rewarded? The number stared at me defiantly. 72.9kg. Thus ended the crazy liquid die, I mean diet.