Scandals & Skeletons

There’s something I didn’t tell you about Thando’s boyfriend. Steve. Something that made hanging around him a little awkward. I never knew how to address him. Should I call him sir or address him by his name? I should have been used to this by now, because this was a common thread on all of Thando’s boyfriends. But I just couldn’t get used to it.

Steve was fifty-seven years old. In three years, he would be sixty. He was twice our age. He was old enough to be our father. Hell, he was as old as my father, hence the confusion in my mind. When he offered me advice, I felt like I was being chastised.

Take this one day for instance, I joined them for dinner and I don’t know how, but we ended talking about my problems at work.

‘Why are you a writer, anyway? Don’t you want to find a real job?’ he’d said.

‘I love writing and you can’t stop me from following my heart,’ I’d said. I don’t want to wake up every morning to do something that I hate, just to make money like you, uncle Steve, I wanted to add, but didn’t. Instead, I stormed off the dining table, like a teenage girl and walked out of his house. Being around him confused me.

Thando, on the other hand, had no problem with Steve’s age. To her it represented experience, power, and money; three things that Thando loved more than anything else in the world, not necessarily in that order.

The problem with dating someone with that much experience is that they had skeletons from their past. Steve’s skeletons came in a form of a wife and children. The wife lived in the rural area somewhere in Zululand. She lived in a rundown mud-house that was standing on its last legs and had no electricity or running water.

When the news broke, Steve swore that he wasn’t married to her. He told Thando that he knew the woman from his hometown, but she was not his wife, he’d insisted. However, that didn’t help take the heat away from Thando. Tabloids attacked her. She was called the gold-digging whore who stole food out of innocent children’s mouth. They made it as if it was her fault that this woman was poor while her husband (or former husband / neighbour – we weren’t sure which one it was at this point) was filthy rich.

Thando was about to move out of our apartment into a penthouse Steve bought her. He also bought her a Porsche. Thando chose a yellow one, because she wanted to standout.

‘How can you live with yourself knowing that you live a wonderful life while that poor woman is suffering?’ Matt asked Thando while we were helping her pack.

‘Not you also,’ Thando said, rolling her eyes. ‘Steve assured me that he never married that woman. They grew up in the same area. The woman is trying to get some money from him. Shame on her.’

We laughed, because Thando was doing the very same thing.

‘Don’t you feel any sympathy for her?’ I asked. ‘Clearly she needs help.’

She shook her head. ‘She’s not our problem.’ She folded a top and placed it in a suitcase. ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s too depressing.’

I decided to get over my awkwardness around Steve and confront him. I marched into his office and closed the door behind me. He looked up at me and smiled.

‘How can you live with yourself?’ I asked.

His smile disappeared. ‘That’s none of your business, young lady.’

‘I’m making it my business. Thando is my friend and I don’t want her entangled in your web of lies. Who’s this woman?’ I asked, dumping a magazine on his desk. On the cover, was the picture of the woman in question.

He looked at it. ‘I don’t recognise her.’

I stood there with my hands on my hips and stared at him.

He looked up at me. ‘We were young. We were never legally married.’

‘What is that supposed to mean?’

‘I paid lobolo for her. Actually my father did. Five years later, I came to the city and never looked back. That was twenty years ago.’

‘What about the children?’

‘I’ve never seen them before.’

I placed my bag on the floor and took a seat. I decided to talk some sense into him. If he wanted this whole thing to disappear, then he had to help this woman.  Sure, he was not obligated to, but it was the right thing to do. If he could afford to buy Thando – a woman he only met a few months ago – a penthouse and a Porsche, he could afford to help a woman he was technically married to.

Later that week, I walked into Thando’s penthouse for the first time. I was jealous.

‘I don’t know what you said to him, but thank you,’ she said.

I shrugged and decided to change the subject. ‘Is it weird having sex with him?’ I asked. ‘Him being a dinosaur and all?’

Thando laughed. ‘He’s very experienced. Sex with an older man is so much more interesting.’

‘Does he need Viagra?’

‘He’s not that old.’ She pushed me playfully. ‘Speaking about sex—’

‘Don’t even ask,’ I said, cutting her off. ‘It’s been way too long.’

We both laughed.

‘What about Sbu?’ she asked.

‘I’m getting mixed signals from him. One moment he’s showering me with gifts, the next he’s photographed with a gorgeous woman at some party.’

‘Don’t worry, soon you’ll find someone who’s right for you.’

I nodded, but I didn’t believe it. I was really bad with relationships. And dating was exhausting. I was starting to believe that I was destined to be alone.

Awkward Crush

When I got home that afternoon, I remembered why we were friends. Thando stood in the lounge with a bunch of flowers and boxes of chocolate. One of her hands was hidden behind her. She’d taken the trouble to do the shopping for the dinner we were having with her boyfriend and her new crush. ‘I know these are your favourite,’ she said. Then she moved her hand from behind her to reveal a pair of pink stiletto’s from Zara that I’d been eyeing for a month now. ‘For you.’

How could my heart not melt after that? I reached for the shoes. ‘I love them. You know me so well,’ I said. I immediately tried the shoes on. They were a perfect match. I decided to ignore the boxes of chocolate. I didn’t want to upset my diet; I’ve been so good the past few days, even though the scale was still static.

‘So will you help me prepare for tonight’s dinner? Please?’

I nodded. ‘Sure. I’d love to.’

She jumped and gave me a big hug. ‘Yeah! Well let me get ready for the dinner then. I need to do my hair and my nails—’

I grabbed her handbag from her. ‘I don’t think so. You are not going anywhere. If I can’t get ready, neither can you. You’re gonna stay and help with the dinner.’

She looked at me with sad eyes that were starting to fill with tears. The girl knew how to manipulate me. And I let her. ‘Fine. Go.’

‘Thank you, thank you. I love you.’ She left me standing there in my fabulous new shoes, thinking about what I would prepare for the big dinner. Whatever it was, it would be a healthy meal. Now the trick was to make it interesting.

I managed to get the dinner prepared on time, of course it helped that Ed was there. We cooked while Thando and Matt chatted in the lounge. They didn’t lift a finger to help. But that was probably for the best, we didn’t want the food ruined for our guest.

Steve and Sbu arrived. I was a little disappointed. Thando had described Sbu as tall and handsome, well he was tall, but he wasn’t that good looking, which meant he was way richer than Steve. That’s the only reason Thando would trade him for Steve.

We all sat and enjoyed our dinner. Thando kept smiling and looking suggestively at Sbu, who paid no attention to her. She tried everything to get his attention, but nothing worked. Finally, Thando decided to ask him directly what she wanted to know. ‘So, Sbu,’ she said, reaching for her boyfriend’s hand. ‘Are you seeing anyone? I don’t ever remember reading about your girlfriend, who must be really good looking.’

‘I’m actually not seeing anyone at the moment. I’m just too busy,’ Sbu said.

Thando was unable to hide her smile at that response.

‘What about you, Qaqamba? Are you seeing anyone,’ Sbu asked.

I was surprised that he called my full name. No one called me by my full name anymore. I shook my head. ‘I’m single at the moment.’

Ed coughed, hiding laughter. He knew that Thando liked Sbu.

‘Maybe we could double date,’ Steve said.

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Thando said.

Steve looked at her. ‘Why not?’

‘Because Q is…’ She looked at me for assistance. I offered her none. I was enjoying seeing her squirm. ‘Q is not looking for anything serious at the moment.’

‘Neither am I,’ Sbu said. He winked at me.

Ed leaned towards me and whispered, ‘This is a little awkward.’

Things were turning upside down for Thando. She’d organised the dinner so that she could find a way to connect with Sbu and now her crush was hitting on me. Talk about awkward. I decided to put an end to it.

‘Who would like desserts,’ I asked. I stood and grabbed the plates from the table and went to the kitchen to get dessert. Thando joined me.

‘Oh, this is a disaster,’ she said. ‘Maybe he’s afraid of Steve. Maybe that’s why he’s ignoring me.’

‘Thando, he’s not interested,’ I said. ‘Leave the poor man alone. If you don’t, your boyfriend is gonna push him to me.’

‘Fine,’ she said. But I could see in her eyes that she was trying to come up with another plan to garner Sbu’s interest.

I shook my head. It was not my problem and I wasn’t going to make it mine. I served everyone desserts. I was sure I’ll never see Sbu again, but I was wrong. 

Good Problem

Thando came running into my office. She stopped at the door when she realised I had a meeting with my writing team. She was out of breath and she looked like she’d just seen a ghost.

I lifted my head when I saw her.

‘Excuse me, Q, I need to talk to you,’ she said. ‘It’s an emergency,’ she added, trying to get my attention.

I excused myself from the meeting, then led her to a conference room and closed the door behind us.

‘What’s wrong?’ I asked.

‘I need your advice,’ she said. She appeared worried.

I wasn’t sure whether I should be worried or not. ‘I’m listening.’

‘Steve, you know Steve…’

‘Your boyfriend, Steve?’

‘Yes, that’s him. He decided it was about time I met the rest of his team, including his business partner.’

‘That’s a good thing, isn’t it?’

‘Yes… no… I don’t know,’ she said, exasperated.

‘If he trusts you with his business, it means he’s taking your relationship serious. So what is the problem?’

‘His business partner is the problem.’

Ed poked his head into the conference room. ‘Hey, Thando, what are you doing here? Finally decided to join the workforce?’

Thando frowned. ‘Please. Me? Working?’ She laughed for a short time as if that was the most ludicrous idea she’s ever heard, then she started worrying again. She grabbed Ed by the hand and closed the door behind him. ‘Come in. Two heads are better than one.’

‘So what’s up?’ Ed asked.

Thando started telling us her story.

Earlier that day at Steve’s Office

Thando waited for Steve’s team to join them in the boardroom. The two of them were early. They sat in the large room alone. Thando was nervous. She didn’t know what to expect. Would these people hate her? Would they feel like she was imposing on them? Would they tell her she knew nothing about business? She didn’t care; this was an opportunity for her to make a name for herself.

But what happened next was like nothing she had expected. A tall, handsome man walked into the boardroom. Thando was sure he was lost. He didn’t belong in the boardroom; he belonged on the glossy pages of a fashion magazine. But what happened next was weirder still.

Steve stood and welcomed the handsome stranger to the meeting. ‘Sbu, I’m glad you could make it,’ he said. He then proceeded to introduce Thando to the hot stranger named Sbu Langa.

Sbu took Thando’s hand, lifted it to his lips, and kissed the back of her hand. His hands were soft and his lips were warm. His lips stretched into a smile.

Thando felt a pleasant sensation in her tummy. She was sure that Sbu was taunting her. She found herself wondering what his tender lips tasted like. She started imagining kissing him and then she came to her senses. She moved her hand away from his and held on to the large, sturdy desk, not trusting her legs to hold her up anymore.

Back at Q & Ed’s Office

‘So you see what the problem is?’ Thando asked us after telling her story.

I shook my head, as my mouth was full of delicious biscuits I’d grabbed from a tray on wheels standing at the corner of the boardroom. I don’t know why they always insisted on serving biscuits to meetings.

‘I can’t fall for Steve’s business partner. What kind of a person would that make me?’ Thando lamented.

‘A whore,’ I said.

She shook her head. ‘No, that’s not it.’

‘A gold-digging whore?’ Ed said.

She shook her head again. ‘No.’

She stood and started pacing. ‘Aaaaagh! You guys are not helping! I came here for your help, for your insight!’ she screamed, exasperated.

Ed and I laughed.

‘Why don’t you get Q to take him out of your hands?’ Ed suggested.

I looked at Ed and frowned. ‘Excuse me?’

‘It’s a great solution. Q is single,’ Ed continued, ignoring me.

‘I’m sorry, Q, I can’t. If it were any other man…’ Then she was silent, thinking. Her eyes widened. ‘Q could take Steve out of my hands. Ed, it’s a brilliant idea!’

‘I’m sitting right here people,’ I said, but I was ignored.

‘No ways, Thando, you can’t shove your leftovers to Q,’ Ed said.

‘Why not? You said it yourself, she’s single.’

‘Again, I’m right here.’

Thando rushed to my side and squeezed my shoulders in an embrace. ‘Please, Q.’

I pushed her away from me and stood. ‘Absolutely not. This is you problem. Now you want to dump Steve, who only weeks ago, you were professing your love to and now you want to date his business partner and friend. This is a new low, even for you.’ And if Sbu was broke, you wouldn’t even like him, I wanted to add, but didn’t.

Thando sat and grabbed a biscuit from the plate. ‘I had a feeling you might feel this way, so I invited them both for dinner at our place.’

‘What?’

She smiled, sheepishly.

‘And who’s going to prepare this dinner?’ I don’t know why I asked, because I knew the answer to that question.

‘You know I can’t cook,’ Thando said. ‘But you two can. Please, I’m begging you.’

‘No,’ I said.

‘Yes,’ Ed said at the same time. ‘Of course, we’d love to. I’ll invite Matt also.’

I looked at him and shook my head. I stormed off. At times, I got tired of Thando freeloading on me. I sometimes wondered why I even put up with her. She paid the rent only when she wanted to. She never went grocery shopping. I was expected to do everything. I didn’t even know why I was friend with her.

The Naked Truth

I have a problem with taking my clothes off in public. Deep inside, I’m a shy girl. I know I’m not the only one. I’ve seen other girls at the gym shielding themselves with towels as they change into or out of their gym clothes. However, there are those girls who takes it all off and march to the shower room in their birthday suits.

I stood in the change room watching these two groups of women after my difficult session at the gym. I really wanted to take a shower, but the thought of being naked in front of all these strangers made my skin crawl.

To make matters worse was that most of these women had perfect bodies, there was no way I would strip my imperfect body in front of them.

I decided to go to a stall and changed there. I wrapped myself in my large towel and went to shower.

While I was having my shower woes, Thando was enjoying caviar with her soon to be boyfriend. She told us about the date later that day when she returned. I was sitting with my feet up, eating a salad.

Ed came out of the kitchen carrying a large burger. Cruel.

‘You’re back,’ he said, as Thando walked in. ‘What happened?’

Thando placed her bag on the floor next to the couch. ‘I don’t know what you mean.’ She sat down next to me and scowled at my salad. ‘Back on the diet, I see.’

‘Shut up,’ I said.

‘I thought you were going to spend the night with Mr Right,’ Ed said.

Thando let out a sarcastic laugh. ‘After only one date?’

‘You’ve done it before,’ I commented.

Thando shrugged. ‘Well, this time it’s different. I really think he could be the one. I really like him.’ She smiled.

‘So how loaded is he?’ Ed asked.

‘Very. He’s an entrepreneur. His business is doing great and he has a few tenders from the government.’

Ed nodded, impressed.

‘He has a yacht at the coast. I can’t wait to visit the coast with him. Fly first class…’ She looked at a distance, as if daydreaming.

‘It seems like you’ve hit a jackpot this time,’ Ed said.

I kicked him playfully on the leg. Ed had a habit of speaking his mind. But what he said didn’t bother Thando. She couldn’t care less what Ed thought of her or what anyone thought of her, for that matter.

‘I’m the luckiest girl alive. And out of the three of us, I’m the only one with a boyfriend.’

Ed frowned, clearly unhappy to be single. I didn’t care. I wasn’t desperate to have a man.

My stomach growled. Ed handed me half of his burger. I shook my head.

‘Eat. You’re starving.’ He shoved the burger in my face.

Starving, I was. But a burger? A burger had so many calories. My stomach growled again. I reached for the burger and stuffed my face. So much for the hour I spent at the gym.