Troubles and Big Personalities

The first time I heard the ringing phone I thought I was dreaming. But the ringing got louder and louder and louder. I woke up with a start. I looked around the dark room. The phone continued ringing. I groaned, snapped the light on, and reached for the cell phone. The alarm clock on my bedside table proudly displayed 4:30 am. I wondered who was calling at this ungodly hour.

Tato’s name flashed across the screen.

‘Tato, this better be important. You woke me up,’ I complained.

‘Oh… you were asleep?’ he said.

I rolled my eyes, but said nothing.

‘I need a lift,’ he said.

‘What?’ I sat up on the bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

‘There’s a taxi strike and I need a lift to work. I just got this job; I can’t afford to show up late.’

‘Is there no one else you could call?’

I was eager to return to sleep. I still had a good three hours before I had to wake up for work.

‘No. Please, Q, you know I wouldn’t call if I had other means.’

I sighed.

‘Fine. Give me a few minutes to change and I’ll be on my way.’

I kicked the covers off and reluctantly stepped out of bed. I dragged my feet into the bathroom to freshen up. I decided I would grab a cup of strong coffee on my way out.

As luck would have it, I had a meeting with a client later that day. I was tired. My eyes refused to open, no matter how many energy drinks I consumed.

Ed laughed at me after the meeting. ‘Something wrong? I saw you doze off during the presentation,’ he said.

‘Oh no!’ I was mortified. ‘Do you think Arthur noticed that too?’ Arthur was an executive of an advertising company that ran a few ads in our magazine.

‘Yes he did.’ The voice came from behind us.

I turned to see Author Fox behind me. At that moment, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

‘Was my presentation boring, Miss Ngqiqo?’ He mispronounced my surname, but I gave him credit for trying.

‘I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t look him in the eye. I could feel all the blood in my veins rushing to my cheeks.

Ed snickered and left me to face the client alone.

‘You know what you need?’ Arthur said.

I looked up at him then. ‘What?’

‘A strong cup of coffee. Come on, it’s on me,’ he said.

Arthur had a reputation of being a player. In all the years of working with him, I was yet to see that side of him displayed. I had a feeling that if I joined him, I would see that side. I rummaged through my tired mind for an excuse.

‘I wish I could join you, but I have another meeting soon. Rain check?’ I regretted the last statement as it left my lips.

He smiled and winked. ‘I’ll hold you to that,’ he said. ‘Good day, Miss Ngqiqo.’

I winced as he mispronounced my surname, but I was relieved that he bought my excuse.

Later that evening, we attended an opening of an upmarket restaurant in Parktown. The food was delicious. The waiter was placing the main course at our table and had just opened for us our second bottle of wine. As tired as I was, I was having a lot of fun. My diet was forgotten for the night. I decided to eat everything placed in front of me, including dessert.

We were all dressed up for the occasion. Even Matt swapped his gym gear for a suit. Thando was impressed.

‘I must say, you look so damn good! I see why you hide this one, Ed. The ladies might mistakenly think he was available.’

Matt smiled. His cheeks turned red. He looked away. He lifted one hand and ran it through his hair. He hated attention.

‘I picked the outfit for him,’ Ed said.

‘Q, I heard you fell asleep at work today,’ Matt said in an attempt to change the subject. ‘What were you doing last night?’

‘Maybe the question is who she was doing?’ Ed said.

‘You were doing Tato, weren’t you?’ Thando said. She just couldn’t resist. ‘It’s ok, you can tell us.’

‘I did no one last night,’ I responded. That would have been preferable, instead of what had happened. ‘I had to pick up Tato, early in the morning, from Alex.’ I explained to them Tato’s early morning predicament.

‘I told you that he was going to use you,’ Matt said. ‘First it’s a small favour, next he’ll be asking to move in with you.’

I hated to agree with him, but he was right. ‘I know,’ I said, a little displeased. ‘He started by borrowing money.’

‘What?’ Ed said.

‘Oh wow, that’s the lowest of the low. If I were you, I would have dumped his broke ass long ago,’ Thando said. She took a bite of her chicken fillet.

‘I don’t mind helping him out, but I don’t want to be his bank or his loan shark,’ I said. ‘It makes things weird, messy and complicated; especially since he hasn’t paid me back a cent.’

Matt turned his attention to Thando. ‘Isn’t this the same thing that you do, Thando? So why should Q dump the guy?’

Thando dismissed his comment. ‘When the man has more money than the lady, the way nature intended, it’s acceptable. The other way around is not ok. No man wants his woman to have more money than him. It makes them feel emasculated.’

Matt shook his head and laughed. He understood now that there was no way to get through to Thando.

‘Why are you still with him, Q?’ Ed asked.

‘I know why,’ Thando said. She had a big grin on her face.

‘Why?’ Ed wanted to know.

I cleared my throat. ‘He has a large…’ I cleared my throat again. ‘…Personality.’

‘Really?’ Ed said, intrigued. ‘I would have never imagined that. He’s got such tiny hands.’

‘Oh, sweetie, that whole… er… hands to personality ratio isn’t always true. Small hands don’t equate to small personality and large hands don’t mean large personality,’ Thando said. ‘I dated a gorgeous man once. He was very tall, had the largest hands I’ve ever seen, but his personality was so tiny that I felt embarrassed for him.’

We laughed. Matt was the only one not laughing. He looked confused.

‘I don’t get it.’

Ed leaned closer to him and whispered to his ear one word. ‘Penis.’

Confusion cleared from his face. ‘Oh. Hand size indicating the package size. I get it now.’ He took a sip of his drink. ‘But why don’t you just say penis? Why nickname it?’

‘We’re in a public area. We don’t want to get kicked out of this amazing restaurant,’ I said. For the first time that evening, I took in the beauty of the restaurant. I looked around. The opening was a success. The restaurant was fully booked. The waiters were running around taking orders, delivering food and drinks, and clearing tables as they became unoccupied. They ushered people from the waiting area, who’d been waiting all night for a table to become available.

‘Well, it doesn’t matter the size of his personality, you don’t want him to empty your bank account,’ Thando said. ‘I don’t want to see you hurt.’

‘I know.’ I’d realised that this relationship was not going to work, size of personality notwithstanding. But it was still sad to admit.

‘Good men are hard to come by,’ I said.

‘Don’t worry, someday you’ll find someone special,’ Ed said.

‘Like Sbu,’ Thando said out of the blue.

I looked at her in disbelief. Why on earth would she mention his name? Why now? I became angry. I was about to respond to her when she said, ‘He’s here.’

‘What?’ The anger I had felt only a second ago was replaced with anxiety. I wanted to hide under the table. For a split second, I wished that Tato were next to me so I could flaunt him in front of Sbu.

‘I wonder what size personality he has,’ Thando said.

They giggled. I didn’t join them. I kept thinking that out of all restaurants in the Jo’burg area, Sbu just had to come to this one.

Sbu walked into my view. My breath was suspended in my throat. He looked so good. He was dressed so well, as if the designer had him in mind when he designed the pants and shirt. All the feeling that I thought were buried, resurfaced all at once, torturing me. In one second, he’d managed to turn my amazing evening into a dreadful one.

I plastered a smile on my face and prayed that my inner turmoil was not showing on my face. I had to accept that our relationship would forever be like the Facebook relationship status: “it’s complicated”.