Tuesday 26 February 2013

An Office Kiss

I was a little surprised when the man that I loved, the one who was not available, showed up at work looking for me. I stood when I saw him entering my office. He closed the door behind him. The way he looked at me knocked out all the air from my lungs.
‘Sbu,’ I said. The words were barely audible. I cleared my throat and stood up straight. ‘What are you doing here?’
‘I spoke to Thando,’ he said, as if that would explain why he was standing before me. He moved to my side of the desk. I moved back slightly, not trusting myself.
‘She told me how you feel about me,’ he said.
Damn Thando, I thought.
‘Well, it doesn’t matter, you have a girlfriend,’ I said.
‘I’m not married,’ he responded. And it was true, but it did not matter because they were such a high profile couple.
He lifted his hand and caressed my cheek. I leaned in for a moment. I felt drawn to him as if an unseen force was pushing me closer to him and at the same time pulling us together.
He cupped my face into his large yet soft hands. He leaned closer and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and my lips parted slightly. I lost control of my faculties at this point. He kissed the tip of my nose and then each of my cheeks. His breath was warm and so sweet against my skin.
He leaned in to kiss my lips, his own lips parted. I leaned in. We slowly moved our lips closer together. As our lips were about to touch, a loud knock jolted me into reality. I jumped back a little. And the spell was gone.
I cleared my throat. ‘Come in,’ I said.
Lungi, an intern with the magazine came in. She looked at the two of us. We looked like two teenagers who’d been caught by our parents making out. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I rubbed them together, then I stuffed them into my pockets. I took them out and straightened my top.
Lungi raised an eyebrow and smiled.
‘Yes, Lungi, what can I do for you?’ I asked.
She quickly dropped some envelopes on my in box. ‘These came for you,’ she said. She reached for the door. She turned to look at us one more time and then she left.
All the blood I had in my body rushed to my face. My heart was racing so fast. I couldn’t believe how close we’d been to getting caught. I took a seat behind the desk and turned all business like. I looked up at him.
‘This cannot happen again,’ I said.
‘Why not?’ he asked. ‘I like you and you obviously feel the same way.’
‘Because you have a girlfriend. I don’t wanna be known as the woman who wrecked your happy home. Because I’m not that woman.’
‘I’ll break up with her,’ he said.
‘Well, until then I think we shouldn’t see each other.’
He leaned closer to the desk and stared into my eyes. ‘You won’t reject me once I’m single and available again, would you?’
I hesitated long enough for him to move away. He laughed and shook his head.
‘You’re only interested in me because I’m not available. And for a moment there, I thought you had feelings for me.’
He left my office. I watched him walk away and I wondered whether he was right. Was I only attracted to him because he was unavailable? Would I still feel the same way once he was single again? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t guarantee that I’d still have these feelings once he was back in the market. I went back to work and willed myself to forget about him, as I was sure I would never see him again.

Monday 25 February 2013

The Girl with a Difficult Name

It’s funny how in a big city like Johannesburg with a population of about 3.8million people, you always run into the one person you’re avoiding. For me that person was Sbu Langa. Why here? Why now? Why him? I asked myself as I ducked back into Zara at Sandton City. I’d just completed the task of returning the clothing items I’d purchased to make me feel better, clothes that I didn’t need and couldn’t afford.
‘Q, is that you?’ I heard him ask.
I froze in place, not sure what to do. I slowly turned and faced him. His generous lips were stretched into a smile. I smiled back at him and pretended that my stomach didn’t just do a double flip at the sight of him.
He was so gorgeous and so not available.
‘Hi, Sbu, I didn’t see you,’ I lied.
He gave me a hug. He smelled so good. My heart started beating faster. I pushed him away, afraid that if I held on for a moment longer I would fall in love with him. And I couldn’t let myself fall for an unavailable man. A man who once liked me. A man who might still have feelings for me, but was now dating a beautiful, tall model.
His six-foot girlfriend walked into the shop, reminding me that I wasn’t part of his life. That he wasn’t mine. He smiled at her and introduced us. My mind wondered for a moment. I wished he smiled at me the way he smiled at her. I wished he looked at me the way he looked at her.
‘Nice to meet you, Q,’ the girlfriend said. Her name was Cynthia Brown.
I feigned a smile and said, ‘Nice to meet you too, Cynthia.’ It was a lie. And it was getting a little awkward.
‘So why does everyone call you Q?’ she asked.
‘That’s because people can’t pronounce my name,’ I said.
‘I can,’ Sbu said. He sounded proud of himself, as if knowing how to pronounce my name was of national importance.
The girlfriend got curious. ‘What’s your full name?’
‘Qaqamba Ngqiqo,’ he said my name as if it was the sexiest name on earth. There was nothing sexy about my name, but hearing him say it made my heart skipped a beat.
The girlfriend tried pronouncing my name, but she struggled saying the “qa” sound, it sounded like a “ca” sound. She ended up pronouncing it “Cacamba”.
Sbu and I held back our laughter. Of course, I hadn’t expected him to laugh at his own girlfriend. It gave me hope that maybe they weren’t serious. I was reaching, I knew, but I was willing to hold on to any hope that he might still like me. And as for my name being mispronounced, I was used to it, maybe I shouldn’t be, but I didn’t want to stress myself about it.
What mattered was that Sbu still liked me. He confirmed this by looking back at me as he was walking away with his girlfriend. He smiled and winked as they disappeared out of the shop. I held on to the nearest counter to steady myself. I didn’t understand how I could be falling for him, when only weeks ago I’d rejected him. Now I couldn’t get him out of my mind.

Sunday 24 February 2013

The Thrill of the Chase

Why do we always want what is not available? Why is it so attractive? Is it for the thrill of the chase?
After weeks of asking me out, Sbu Langa – the eligible bachelor – finally gave up. He accepted that I was not available. At first, his decision had been welcomed fresh air to my life, but when I saw him a few weeks later, on TV, in the arms of supermodel Cynthia Brown – whose long legs went on forever – I realised that I had made a mistake. I wanted to be with him. I was suddenly attracted to him.
Suddenly, many questions went through my mind. Why had I rejected him all of those months? Why had I not felt even a little of what I felt today? Did I want him now because he was unavailable? I placed my head in my hands, feeling frustrated as I didn’t have answers to my many questions.
To clear my head, I went for a jog. When that did not help, I went shopping. Hours later, I returned home with many bags of retail therapy and a maxed credit card, but my frustration remained.
Thando helped me unpack my new clothes. ‘Wow, nice shoes,’ she said as she laid a pair of blue strappy sandals to the side. ‘And I thought I was the shopaholic.’
‘I’ll probably have to return half of these tomorrow,’ I said. But the dress I had in my hands, I would keep, I decided. It was a tight fitting dress that fitted the contours of my body perfectly.
‘I see that retail therapy didn’t work. What’s the matter?’ She grabbed a new box of shoes and tried them on.
‘It’s Sbu,’ I said.
‘What about him?’ She looked down at her feet and admired the new pair of shoes. ‘By the way I’m keeping these.’ She stood and walked around the room.
I shrugged, thinking, whatever. I didn’t care about the shoes. I wanted advice on Sbu. ‘I think I might actually like him.’ I sat down exasperated.
She raised an eyebrow. ‘I told you that you were making a huge mistake by rejecting him. He’s such a catch. I knew that he wouldn’t be in the market for long.’
‘If only I’d listened to you.’ I’d never said those words to Thando before. As a result, she smiled.
‘I need to know that you really like him. That this is not because you miss the attention or that you’re attracted to him because he’s now with someone else.’
I was silent for a moment, deep in thought. ‘I’m not sure.’
‘Well, I need you to be sure. You wouldn’t want to lead the guy on only to break his heart. He really likes you. One word that you reciprocate his feelings and he’ll dump that Amazonian giant like she was yesterday’s news and rush back to you.’
I didn’t believe Thando, but for a brief moment, I pretended that Sbu adored me and that he would dump the supermodel like a hot potato for me.
We continued sorting the pile of clothes and shoes into two. One pile I would keep and the other I would have to return. It helped me forget about Sbu, even if for a moment. I said a small prayer. God, please don’t let me run into him ever again. Because I knew that the next time I did, I would make a total fool of myself.

Sunday 10 February 2013

Scandals & Skeletons

There’s something I didn’t tell you about Thando’s boyfriend. Steve. Something that made hanging around him a little awkward. I never knew how to address him. Should I call him sir or address him by his name? I should have been used to this by now, because this was a common thread on all of Thando’s boyfriends. But I just couldn’t get used to it.
Steve was fifty-seven years old. In three years, he would be sixty. He was twice our age. He was old enough to be our father. Hell, he was as old as my father, hence the confusion in my mind. When he offered me advice, I felt like I was being chastised.
Take this one day for instance, I joined them for dinner and I don’t know how, but we ended talking about my problems at work.
‘Why are you a writer, anyway? Don’t you want to find a real job?’ he’d said.
‘I love writing and you can’t stop me from following my heart,’ I’d said. I don’t want to wake up every morning to do something that I hate, just to make money like you, uncle Steve, I wanted to add, but didn’t. Instead, I stormed off the dining table, like a teenage girl and walked out of his house. Being around him confused me.
Thando, on the other hand, had no problem with Steve’s age. To her it represented experience, power, and money; three things that Thando loved more than anything else in the world, not necessarily in that order.
The problem with dating someone with that much experience is that they had skeletons from their past. Steve’s skeletons came in a form of a wife and children. The wife lived in the rural area somewhere in Zululand. She lived in a rundown mud-house that was standing on its last legs and had no electricity or running water.
When the news broke, Steve swore that he wasn’t married to her. He told Thando that he knew the woman from his hometown, but she was not his wife, he’d insisted. However, that didn’t help take the heat away from Thando. Tabloids attacked her. She was called the gold-digging whore who stole food out of innocent children’s mouth. They made it as if it was her fault that this woman was poor while her husband (or former husband / neighbour – we weren’t sure which one it was at this point) was filthy rich.
Thando was about to move out of our apartment into a penthouse Steve bought her. He also bought her a Porsche. Thando chose a yellow one, because she wanted to standout.
‘How can you live with yourself knowing that you live a wonderful life while that poor woman is suffering?’ Matt asked Thando while we were helping her pack.
‘Not you also,’ Thando said, rolling her eyes. ‘Steve assured me that he never married that woman. They grew up in the same area. The woman is trying to get some money from him. Shame on her.’
We laughed, because Thando was doing the very same thing.
‘Don’t you feel any sympathy for her?’ I asked. ‘Clearly she needs help.’
She shook her head. ‘She’s not our problem.’ She folded a top and placed it in a suitcase. ‘I don’t want to talk about this anymore. It’s too depressing.’
I decided to get over my awkwardness around Steve and confront him. I marched into his office and closed the door behind me. He looked up at me and smiled.
‘How can you live with yourself?’ I asked.
His smile disappeared. ‘That’s none of your business, young lady.’
‘I’m making it my business. Thando is my friend and I don’t want her entangled in your web of lies. Who’s this woman?’ I asked, dumping a magazine on his desk. On the cover, was the picture of the woman in question.
He looked at it. ‘I don’t recognise her.’
I stood there with my hands on my hips and stared at him.
He looked up at me. ‘We were young. We were never legally married.’
‘What is that supposed to mean?’
‘I paid lobolo for her. Actually my father did. Five years later, I came to the city and never looked back. That was twenty years ago.’
‘What about the children?’
‘I’ve never seen them before.’
I placed my bag on the floor and took a seat. I decided to talk some sense into him. If he wanted this whole thing to disappear, then he had to help this woman.  Sure, he was not obligated to, but it was the right thing to do. If he could afford to buy Thando – a woman he only met a few months ago – a penthouse and a Porsche, he could afford to help a woman he was technically married to.
Later that week, I walked into Thando’s penthouse for the first time. I was jealous.
‘I don’t know what you said to him, but thank you,’ she said.
I shrugged and decided to change the subject. ‘Is it weird having sex with him?’ I asked. ‘Him being a dinosaur and all?’
Thando laughed. ‘He’s very experienced. Sex with an older man is so much more interesting.’
‘Does he need Viagra?’
‘He’s not that old.’ She pushed me playfully. ‘Speaking about sex—’
‘Don’t even ask,’ I said, cutting her off. ‘It’s been way too long.’
We both laughed.
‘What about Sbu?’ she asked.
‘I’m getting mixed signals from him. One moment he’s showering me with gifts, the next he’s photographed with a gorgeous woman at some party.’
‘Don’t worry, soon you’ll find someone who’s right for you.’
I nodded, but I didn’t believe it. I was really bad with relationships. And dating was exhausting. I was starting to believe that I was destined to be alone.

Saturday 9 February 2013

J&B Met

It was time to attend the J&B Met, the premier fashion event of the year. The theme for this year was, “Made to Fly”. Each year we attended the Met. It was our tradition. Ed, as the fashion editor had to attend. Thando and I tagged along, because we loved looking fabulous and we loved mingling with celebs and pseudo celebs.
Our designer was busy creating our masterpieces. I couldn’t wait to see my dress. No matter how big I was, I loved dressing up.
‘I’m not going,’ Ed informed us one afternoon as we were having dinner at the Health Food Restaurant.
‘What do you mean, you’re not attending?’ I asked, outraged. ‘We always do the Met together. You can’t break tradition.’
‘It’s because of Matt. You should have seen him when I mentioned Cape Town. He screamed at me and told me he’s never going back. He totally freaked out. I’ve never seen him that upset before,’ he said.
‘What did you expect?’ Thando asked. ‘He knows nothing about fashion. And no, he can’t join us if he’ll be wearing his gym clothes.’
Our first attempt at getting Matt out of his gym tracksuit had failed. He used his job as an excuse. ‘I’m a personal trainer and these are my work clothes,’ he’d said.
I looked at Ed who was standing in front of me wearing a sad expression on his face. ‘I never thought I’d see a day where you choose a man over the Met,’ I said.
‘Over fashion,’ Thando added.
I stood, pushing my chair as I did so. ‘But you have to go, you’re the fashion editor.’
‘I was gonna ask you to represent me,’ he said.
We begged him for a while, but he wouldn’t change his mind. So there was only one thing left to do.
We knocked at Matt’s apartment. As he opened the door, we pushed it and let ourselves in before he had a chance to invite us in or shut the door on our faces.
‘We’re taking you to our designer,’ Thando said.
‘Please… come on in,’ Matt said, instead. ‘And yes I’m fine, thank you for asking.’
‘We need you to come with us to the Met,’ I said.
His eyes widened a little, but he turned his head from us hiding his emotions.  ‘No, I have to work,’ he said. He cleared his throat.
I noticed the turmoil, but Thando didn’t. She said, ‘It’s only one day. You can fly in, in the morning and be back in the evening.’
‘I left Cape Town behind.’ He cleared his throat again. ‘Some of us have to work for a living.’
‘Could you at least convince Ed to attend? It’s just won’t be the same without him,’ Thando said.
Matt nodded.
We left Matt’s apartment and climbed the elevator up to my apartment.
‘Did we ever find out why Matt left Cape Town?’ I asked.
‘No.’
‘I think we need to.’
I was sure Matt was hiding something from his past and I was determined to find out what.
I don’t know what Matt said to Ed, but he convinced him to come with us to the Met. We had a lovely time at the Met, but that’s a story for another day.

Sunday 3 February 2013

Law of Beauty

Law of beauty number one: Always look good, because when you don’t, you are bound to bump into someone from your past.
We all have bad days. Bad hair day: when your hair is frizzy and big and looks as if it belongs to a hobo pushing a trolley overfilled with junk.
Bad face day: when your face breaks out in pimples and no matter how much makeup you put on, the pimples stand out. It’s as if they are filled with steroids.
Bad body/image day: when your body looks fat no matter what you wear. Even when you wear a sweatshirt, you just look humongous. So you end up wearing clothes so big you look like you’re wearing a tent. Forget about wearing something black to make you appear slimmer, on this day it won’t work.
I was having such a day. From the minute I woke up everything was going wrong. On this day, I had to bump into my ex, Greg. He was with a smoking hot girl who was clearly having a much better day than I was.
‘I hate Greg,’ Ed said, sharing my sentiment. I’d just informed them of my unfortunate encounter with my ex.
‘The worst is I tried avoiding him, I dodged into a crowd, put on a hat and glasses, but he saw me anyway. And he made it a point to come over and say hi,’ I said.
‘Maybe he was being polite,’ Matt said.
‘Polite? Please,’ Ed said. ‘The man does not know the meaning of the word. We hate Greg,’ he said again.
‘What’s the story with Greg, anyway? This is the first I’ve heard of him,’ Matt said.
‘That’s because we don’t mention his name in this house,’ Thando said. ‘He’s a loser, so please let’s talk about something else.’
The story of Greg and I is a long one.
Greg was the man I was supposed to marry. He was a successful, kind and loving man. We did everything together, even shopping. I trusted him wholeheartedly.
So you can imagine my surprise when I came home early from work to find a lump of a woman underneath the covers of our bed. I was at loss for words, so I just stood at the entrance of our bedroom staring at them.
‘I… I… I didn’t know you were coming home early,’ Greg stammered. As if that would explain why there was an amoeba woman in my bed.
We stood in the bedroom staring at each other, the woman in the bed breathing under the covers. He introduced me to her, the lump stuck out her pudgy fingers waving at me. I looked from Greg to the lump and walked out of the room. I decided to give them some privacy… in my own home.
Surprisingly, I wasn’t angry. A bit shaken, yes. A little disappointed, maybe. But not angry.
Minutes later, the girl whom I’ve never seen before wobbled out of my kitchen, her eyes on the floor. Greg followed behind her, now fully dressed. He stood in the lounge; he seemed unsure of himself. The always confident man was now reduced to a shy cheater. He did not know what to say. I had questions I needed answered.
We sat down and talked like grownups we were. An hour later, it was clear where our relationship was headed. Nowhere.
That was the last time I saw him, until I ran into him at the mall. Our breakup had not been easy, especially because Greg was an actor. It’s difficult dealing with a breakup when your face is splashed in covers of tabloids.
I looked at my two friends who’d supported me through the nasty break up, and smiled. Greg stole my joy all those years ago; I wouldn’t let him affect me after all these years. I decided to take my joy back. I decided to tell Matt the whole story. If he were truly to be part of our group, then he would have to hate Greg as much as we did.

Saturday 2 February 2013

Office Date

Thando’s plan had backfired on her. She’d invited Sbu, the man she had a crush on, to dinner at our house. She had hoped that he would like her, but he didn’t. He’d spent the entire dinner paying me compliments and asking me awkward questions.
‘He sent me flowers at work,’ I complained to Thando. ‘How did he even know where I work? This is all your fault.’
Thando looked away.
‘What’s that look?’
‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’
‘Thando?’ I stood in front of her.
‘Okay…’ She shrugged, as if what she would say next was inconsequential. ‘He asked me for your work address.’
‘What? And you gave it to him?’
‘I was visiting Steve, hoping to bump into him, which of course, I did. When he walked into Steve’s office, I thought it was because he wanted to see me, but instead he wanted your address. I was so disappointed.’
Ed walked into the lounge from the kitchen, carrying snacks. He sat next to his partner Matt. ‘So he sent you flowers, I don’t see a problem there,’ he said.
‘Exactly,’ Matt said. ‘I thought you’d be happy.’
‘I don’t like him. I don’t want him stalking me,’ I said.
‘I liked him,’ Matt said. ‘He seemed like such a gentleman.’
‘No one asked you for your opinion, Matt,’ Thando said. ‘Q, I think you’d be a fool if you don’t date him. He’s handsome, he’s tall, and he’s rich.’
‘And that’s the only reason you are attracted to him, isn’t, Thando? His wealth?’
Thando scowled at Matt. ‘Call him, Q, before someone else snatches him.’
I hoped that someone else would snatch it, but it didn’t happened, gift continued pouring in. Every time flowers were delivered at reception, all my colleagues pointed to my office. I thought that if I ignored his advances, Sbu would lose interest. I was wrong. Nothing discouraged him. He sent me many gifts, each with a request to have dinner with him. When he didn’t get a response, he decided to come to the office in person.
‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.
‘I’m here to find out why you won’t accept my invitation to dinner,’ he said.
‘Er… ‘ I cleared my throat. ‘I’m busy.’
‘It’s just one dinner.’
I didn’t respond.
‘You have to eat don’t you?’
I nodded.
‘So, I thought that if you won’t come out to dinner with me, then I’ll bring the dinner here,’ he said. He wheeled a tray of food, similar to the one used by hotels for room service. It was filled with food.
‘You brought this with u?’
He nodded. ‘Well, I had someone bring it up for us. So what do you say?’ He pointed at the tray filled with the most delicious meals.
How could I say no to that? I looked at the food, it smelled really good. I smiled at him. ‘Since the food is here… I guess I can’t let it go to waste.’
He smiled.
And that’s how Sbu got me to go out on a date with him.