The Ghost of Boyfriends Past

I was yet to meet a woman who did not remember every single detail about her first boyfriend. It was a memory that never faded. It was probably lodged in the part of the brain that never suffered from memory loss. We remember their scent, the way they kissed (even if they were terrible kissers) and we wonder what could have been. My first boyfriend’s name was Khaya Luvo. He’d been a soccer player. Very fit. Tall. Handsome. Every girl at school had wanted to be with him. He’d only wanted to be with me. I was the lucky girl that got him. We thought we’d end up married and have two children. A boy and a girl. Or maybe I was the one who’d fantasised about the marriage and the children, and that’s where the problem had been. We’d wanted different things. Khaya had wanted to see the world and I’d wanted to settle down and start a family.

So we’d gone our separate ways.

Of course, that was me many years ago. Now settling down and starting a family were far from my mind.

After receiving a call from Khaya, I started thinking about him a lot. I wondered if he ever left our village and travelled the world like he’d wanted to. I wondered if he ever settled down and had children. I doubted it. He was a free spirit who couldn’t be pinned down.

I was due to meet Khaya in the evening and I was going through the laborious task of choosing an outfit for the evening. I wanted something that said, “I’m cool. I’m a free spirit” and I avoided anything that said, “I wanna settle down”.

Thando was by my side, assisting me choose an appropriate outfit.

Clothes were scatted all over the bed and some were laid neatly on the chair.

‘I can’t believe Khaya is in town,’ she said, daydreaming. ‘Please remind me why he dated you and not me? I was the pretty one.’

‘You had a boyfriend, remember?’

‘That was only because Khaya wouldn’t give me time of day. I finally got the hint and moved on.’

I laughed. ‘You had a massive crush on him, and I ended up getting the man.’

‘Not funny. I was angry with you for days.’

‘Days? More like months. You wouldn’t talk to me. But what was I to do when the village hunk asked me out?’

‘I guess.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing.’

I grabbed a Stoned Cherry tight fitting dress from my wardrobe and showed it to Thando. ‘How about this one?’

She nodded and smiled. ‘I like it. It says, I am hot and available.’ She giggled.

I rolled my eyes and decided it was a perfect outfit for me. After all there’s nothing wrong with being available to a man who’d see you naked.

I arrived at the restaurant five minutes late. Being early would have made me to appear desperate. Being too late would’ve made him think I wasn’t interested. However, being five minutes late was perfect. It kept him guessing.

The hostess smiled at me. I gave her my surname; I’d reserved our table under my name. While she was checking her records, I looked around the restaurant, wondering if Khaya had arrived. I couldn’t see him.

‘Let me take you to your table, ma’am,’ the hostess said.

I followed her. ‘Excuse me, has the other party arrived?’

She nodded and pointed at a table in the far corner where a large, balding man sat.

I stopped on my tracks. ‘Are you sure?’ I whispered. I was convinced she was mistaken.

She nodded and continued walking toward the opulent man. I followed her, my steps now hesitant.

I walked around the table and stood next to the empty chair facing my date. Lo and behold, it was Khaya. A much older version. One that I found myself not attracted to. He looked like he was carrying the world’s problems on his shoulders.

‘Khaya?’

He looked up at me. A smiled formed on his face. I saw a hint of the man I used to know.

While I got better with age, Khaya had gotten worse. Maybe I was being a bit unkind; it was just that the man sitting in front of me looked nothing like the Khaya of my childhood.

I noticed that he was wearing a ring. A wave of relief flooded me and I smiled widely.

‘Qaqamba,’ he said his smile widening. ‘You look good.’ He stood and pulled my chair for me. Always a gentleman.

‘I’ll ask the waitress to bring you drinks and take your order. What would you like to drink?’ the hostess asked.

I ordered a glass of red wine and Khaya ordered the same.

I looked at him and smiled. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’ As the lie left my lips, I knew I shouldn’t have said it. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. But what does one say in such circumstances?

Looking at him, I realised that it was not that Khaya had lost his handsome looks, it was the sadness in his eyes. He used to always wear a smile that reached his eyes, but there was none of that tonight. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what was troubling him. I came here for a fun filled night and not to be turned into a therapist.

Our waitress returned with our drinks.

‘What have you been up to?’ I asked. ‘I see you’re married.’

He stared at his ring as if seeing it for the first time. ‘Separated,’ he said.

‘I’m sorry.’ I started feeling a little uncomfortable again. I wasn’t interested in his troubles.

‘Kids?’

‘Two,’ he responded. ‘A boy and a girl.’

It was funny how the tables had turned. Khaya was living my dream and I was living his. He’d settled down, while I remained a free spirit.

‘Why did we break up? Please remind me.’ He chuckled.

I smiled and took a sip of my drink. I was already thinking of a way to get out of this date without hurting his feelings. I knew nothing good could come out of my date with my ex.