Tuesday 28 May 2013

Pseudo-Celeb

Thando referred to herself as a celebrity. But the truth was that she was a pseudo celebrity. She was famous for well… being famous. That brought both admirers and haters. Thando didn’t care. The way she saw it was that there was no bad publicity.
Being a pseudo-celebrity had its perks, like being interviewed for TV and radio shows, appearing on covers of magazines, being invited to high profile parties, appearing on ads and doing numerous fashion shoots. As a friend, I often tagged along when she attended high profile parties.
There was a flip side to that of course. Like this one time when Thando and I were shopping, a woman threw a tomato at her face. Now, if it were ripe tomato it would have exploded on impact and splashed all over her face. But it was not, this tomato still had a little bit of green left on it. It hit Thando square on the forehead, leaving a bruise.
‘You should be ashamed of yourself!’ The unknown woman was screaming while hauling tomatoes as Thando and myself. ‘You call yourself a role model? You are no role model! You are a bad influence to our children!’
Now what have I done? I thought while ducking from the stream of tomato missiles.
Mall security came to our rescue. They approached the angry woman with the intention to restrain her, but she started hauling tomatoes at them. I shouldn’t have been laughing, but I couldn’t stop myself. I thought it was so funny. I started wondering where this woman got all her tomatoes. Did she see Thando walking past, bought a bag full of tomatoes, ran up to her and started attacking? This was a premeditated attack. Clearly, this woman has been hoping and praying to run to Thando so she could tell her exactly how she felt about her.
Eventually, mall security managed to restrain the woman and they took her away kicking and screaming insults to Thando.
Thando and I suffered minor bruises that could be treated with an ointment and covered up with makeup, but our bruised egos took the hardest knock. By the time our attacker was whisked away, there were spectators gathered around and most had their smart phones out. I knew that by the end of the day our pictures would be all over Twitter and Facebook, probably with hashtags like #mallbeatdown #Thandobeatdown #Thandoattack. Fortunately, many people didn’t know my name, so I would escape the social media mocking. I was relieved.
Thando wasn’t so lucky, as I’d predicted, her attack was all over Twitter. She read most of the tweets with a smile on her face. She scrolled down her phone and often had to refresh as people argued back and forth on whether she was a good role model or not. A tweet-spat even broke out between two tweeheads who were on opposite camps. People who’ve never met each other and would probably never meet, argued and cursed each other on the subject of whether Thando was a good role model or not.
Thando responded by smiling. She looked at me and said, ‘I’m trending on Tweeter. I told you there’s no bad publicity.’
I looked at her phone and saw Thando Mava listed on trending topics.
That night she went to bed with a smile. She was on cloud nine. People were talking about her. And nothing made her happier than when she was on people’s minds.
Thando and I were made from different DNAs. I hated attention and she loved it with her whole heart. I dated men because of love and she dated men because of money. I enjoyed working and making my own money and she hated working and preferred other people making money from her, unless she’s being paid to be herself, as long as she didn’t lift a finger. We had nothing in common and sometime people asked me why I was even friends with her. In those cases, I often smiled at those people and told them that she’s the best friend I’ve ever had and I guess it’s true what they say: Opposites attract.
When I asked her whether she would press charges against the woman who attacked us, she shook her head and said, ‘No. I won’t. That woman was probably having a bad day, no need to make it worse.’
And that was the reason I was friends with her.

Thursday 23 May 2013

Breakup Because It's Broken

There’s no easy way to break up with someone. No matter how sweet you try to make it sound, the results are still awful. This is what people really mean when they break up with you.
“It’s not you, it’s me,” translate to, “It’s not me, it’s all you. You are the problem!”
“We need to take a break,” translate to, “It’s over! Get the hell out of my life!”
“I need time to focus on my career,” translate to, “You’re boring and there’s nothing interesting about you.”
“I need to figure things out,” translate to, “I don’t want you in my life.”
 Honest breakup lines are, “You’re a jerk! Get out of my life!” or “It’s over!” or “You’re a scumbag, good for nothing piece of shit!” However, no one ever really says that unless they’re high or drunk.
What I wanted to say to Tato was, ‘You’re a leech.’ I shook my head and erased that breakup line from my mind. I settled on, ‘You’re a nice person, but we want different things right now.’ But what I ended up saying was, ‘It’s not you, it’s me…’
Tato didn’t take the break up well. He went all psycho on me, smashing things around the apartment and threatening me. The worst was I broke up with him as he was asking if he could move in with me. Clearly, we wanted different things.
He refused to leave my apartment. He said I should throw him out. He just sat there on the couch, put his feet on the table (which I hated), reached for the remote and switched to his favourite channel. It was as if he owned the place. I did the only think I could. I called the muscle aka Matt.
Matt came to my rescue. He walked into my apartment and stood in front of the TV with his muscular arms folded across his chest. He didn’t say a word. He wore a stern look on his face. For a second, I was even afraid. Tato got the message and left, but not before banging the door so loud on his way out that it almost fell off its hinges.

After that draining breakup session, I wasn’t up to going out, so all my friends came to my apartment that evening. Just the thought of dressing up and facing the public was traumatic enough to cause me to bury myself under my warm, comfortable covers. Only my friends could get me out from under the covers and I went as far as my living room.
‘How are you doing?’ Ed asked as he embraced me.
I was dressed in my pyjamas. ‘It had to be done. It wasn’t easy to let him go,’ I said.
‘You’ll find someone else,’ Thando reassured me. ‘There are plenty fish in the water. And you’re gorgeous. You’re such a catch.’
I know she meant well, but it didn’t make me feel better.
‘The problem with you, Q, is that you insist on breaking up face to face,’ Ed said. ‘That’s dangerous. Tato could have punched you or killed you.’
I rolled my eyes. Ed was such a drama queen.
We all had different ways of handling breakups. Mine was to confront the man and get it over and done with.
Ed’s ideal breakup was disappearing for a couple of days. He avoided calls, didn’t respond to messages until the other person got the message and left him alone.
Thando, on the other hand, hated breakups because it meant no more all expenses paid holidays to exotic destinations, no more free dinners, and no more showing off her man at high profile events. However, none of that prevented her from breaking up with a man when she had to.
Matt was more old fashioned. He sat his partner down like the grown up he was and had a serious talk with him. As a result, his breakups were often mutual.
To cheer me up, my friends hired my favourite movie Ocean’s Eleven, with my favourite actor George Clooney. That Brad Pitt was also in the movie improved my mood. My friends also brought with them Chinese takeout. At that moment, I was glad to have friends who cared about me, friends who celebrated with me at my best and loved me at my worst. I knew they would move mountains to see me happy. Right there in my living room, I was surrounded by love. And that was a reason to smile.

Tuesday 21 May 2013

Troubles and Big Personalities

The first time I heard the ringing phone I thought I was dreaming. But the ringing got louder and louder and louder. I woke up with a start. I looked around the dark room. The phone continued ringing. I groaned, snapped the light on, and reached for the cell phone. The alarm clock on my bedside table proudly displayed 4:30 am. I wondered who was calling at this ungodly hour.
Tato’s name flashed across the screen.
‘Tato, this better be important. You woke me up,’ I complained.
‘Oh… you were asleep?’ he said.
I rolled my eyes, but said nothing.
‘I need a lift,’ he said.
‘What?’ I sat up on the bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.
‘There’s a taxi strike and I need a lift to work. I just got this job; I can’t afford to show up late.’
‘Is there no one else you could call?’
I was eager to return to sleep. I still had a good three hours before I had to wake up for work.
‘No. Please, Q, you know I wouldn’t call if I had other means.’
I sighed.
‘Fine. Give me a few minutes to change and I’ll be on my way.’
I kicked the covers off and reluctantly stepped out of bed. I dragged my feet into the bathroom to freshen up. I decided I would grab a cup of strong coffee on my way out.

As luck would have it, I had a meeting with a client later that day. I was tired. My eyes refused to open, no matter how many energy drinks I consumed.
Ed laughed at me after the meeting. ‘Something wrong? I saw you doze off during the presentation,’ he said.
‘Oh no!’ I was mortified. ‘Do you think Arthur noticed that too?’ Arthur was an executive of an advertising company that ran a few ads in our magazine.
‘Yes he did.’ The voice came from behind us.
I turned to see Author Fox behind me. At that moment, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.
‘Was my presentation boring, Miss Ngqiqo?’ He mispronounced my surname, but I gave him credit for trying.
‘I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t look him in the eye. I could feel all the blood in my veins rushing to my cheeks.
Ed snickered and left me to face the client alone.
‘You know what you need?’ Arthur said.
I looked up at him then. ‘What?’
‘A strong cup of coffee. Come on, it’s on me,’ he said.
Arthur had a reputation of being a player. In all the years of working with him, I was yet to see that side of him displayed. I had a feeling that if I joined him, I would see that side. I rummaged through my tired mind for an excuse.
‘I wish I could join you, but I have another meeting soon. Rain check?’ I regretted the last statement as it left my lips.
He smiled and winked. ‘I’ll hold you to that,’ he said. ‘Good day, Miss Ngqiqo.’
I winced as he mispronounced my surname, but I was relieved that he bought my excuse.

Later that evening, we attended an opening of an upmarket restaurant in Parktown. The food was delicious. The waiter was placing the main course at our table and had just opened for us our second bottle of wine. As tired as I was, I was having a lot of fun. My diet was forgotten for the night. I decided to eat everything placed in front of me, including dessert.
We were all dressed up for the occasion. Even Matt swapped his gym gear for a suit. Thando was impressed.
‘I must say, you look so damn good! I see why you hide this one, Ed. The ladies might mistakenly think he was available.’
Matt smiled. His cheeks turned red. He looked away. He lifted one hand and ran it through his hair. He hated attention.
‘I picked the outfit for him,’ Ed said.
‘Q, I heard you fell asleep at work today,’ Matt said in an attempt to change the subject. ‘What were you doing last night?’
‘Maybe the question is who she was doing?’ Ed said.
‘You were doing Tato, weren’t you?’ Thando said. She just couldn’t resist. ‘It’s ok, you can tell us.’
‘I did no one last night,’ I responded. That would have been preferable, instead of what had happened. ‘I had to pick up Tato, early in the morning, from Alex.’ I explained to them Tato’s early morning predicament.
‘I told you that he was going to use you,’ Matt said. ‘First it’s a small favour, next he’ll be asking to move in with you.’
I hated to agree with him, but he was right. ‘I know,’ I said, a little displeased. ‘He started by borrowing money.’
‘What?’ Ed said.
‘Oh wow, that’s the lowest of the low. If I were you, I would have dumped his broke ass long ago,’ Thando said. She took a bite of her chicken fillet.
‘I don’t mind helping him out, but I don’t want to be his bank or his loan shark,’ I said. ‘It makes things weird, messy and complicated; especially since he hasn’t paid me back a cent.’
Matt turned his attention to Thando. ‘Isn’t this the same thing that you do, Thando? So why should Q dump the guy?’
Thando dismissed his comment. ‘When the man has more money than the lady, the way nature intended, it’s acceptable. The other way around is not ok. No man wants his woman to have more money than him. It makes them feel emasculated.’
Matt shook his head and laughed. He understood now that there was no way to get through to Thando.
‘Why are you still with him, Q?’ Ed asked.
‘I know why,’ Thando said. She had a big grin on her face.
‘Why?’ Ed wanted to know.
I cleared my throat. ‘He has a large…’ I cleared my throat again. ‘…Personality.’
‘Really?’ Ed said, intrigued. ‘I would have never imagined that. He’s got such tiny hands.’
‘Oh, sweetie, that whole… er… hands to personality ratio isn’t always true. Small hands don’t equate to small personality and large hands don’t mean large personality,’ Thando said. ‘I dated a gorgeous man once. He was very tall, had the largest hands I’ve ever seen, but his personality was so tiny that I felt embarrassed for him.’
We laughed. Matt was the only one not laughing. He looked confused.
‘I don’t get it.’
Ed leaned closer to him and whispered to his ear one word. ‘Penis.’
Confusion cleared from his face. ‘Oh. Hand size indicating the package size. I get it now.’ He took a sip of his drink. ‘But why don’t you just say penis? Why nickname it?’
‘We’re in a public area. We don’t want to get kicked out of this amazing restaurant,’ I said. For the first time that evening, I took in the beauty of the restaurant. I looked around. The opening was a success. The restaurant was fully booked. The waiters were running around taking orders, delivering food and drinks, and clearing tables as they became unoccupied. They ushered people from the waiting area, who’d been waiting all night for a table to become available.
‘Well, it doesn’t matter the size of his personality, you don’t want him to empty your bank account,’ Thando said. ‘I don’t want to see you hurt.’
‘I know.’ I’d realised that this relationship was not going to work, size of personality notwithstanding. But it was still sad to admit.
‘Good men are hard to come by,’ I said.
‘Don’t worry, someday you’ll find someone special,’ Ed said.
‘Like Sbu,’ Thando said out of the blue.
I looked at her in disbelief. Why on earth would she mention his name? Why now? I became angry. I was about to respond to her when she said, ‘He’s here.’
‘What?’ The anger I had felt only a second ago was replaced with anxiety. I wanted to hide under the table. For a split second, I wished that Tato were next to me so I could flaunt him in front of Sbu.
‘I wonder what size personality he has,’ Thando said.
They giggled. I didn’t join them. I kept thinking that out of all restaurants in the Jo’burg area, Sbu just had to come to this one.
Sbu walked into my view. My breath was suspended in my throat. He looked so good. He was dressed so well, as if the designer had him in mind when he designed the pants and shirt. All the feeling that I thought were buried, resurfaced all at once, torturing me. In one second, he’d managed to turn my amazing evening into a dreadful one.
I plastered a smile on my face and prayed that my inner turmoil was not showing on my face. I had to accept that our relationship would forever be like the Facebook relationship status: “it’s complicated”.

Sunday 19 May 2013

In the Name of Love

There’s no greater feeling than being in love. When in love, it made me feel like all was well with the world. People could be swearing at me, pointing fingers, or angry with me and I would still respond with a smile. I wouldn’t be fazed, all because of how I felt.
Tato and I had been dating for a month now and things were going great. He was wonderful, considerate, and a great listener. He always said the right thing at the right time. He wanted to spend every moment of everyday with me.
Tato was a struggling musician. He still lived with his parents and sometimes crashed with friends. He didn’t own a car, didn’t have any savings in his account. He basically lived from hand to mouth. Even though that was a slight setback, I could live with it. What I couldn’t live with was his lack of ambition. He didn’t want to further his studies, even though I was willing to help him secure funding. We argued about this often.
I placed a stack of university and college brochures on the table.
‘All I’m asking you to do is consider it,’ I said. ‘You could study music or something related to the music industry.’
He ignored the brochures. By the way he looked at them, I knew he wouldn’t touch them. ‘So you have a problem dating an uneducated man?’ Tato said.
‘If I had a problem, I wouldn’t be with you, would I?’
He did not respond.
I sat next to him on the pale blue couch in my living room. ‘Look, I care about you and I know you have such potential. Don’t you want to improve your life?’
He moved closer to me and held my hand. ‘You make my life so much better. You improve my life,’ he said.
I wasn’t sure how to interpret that. So I decided not to.
‘But what if I’m not around? What then?’
A frown formed in his brow. He let go of my hand. ‘What does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?’
‘No, no, no,’ I said quickly, reassuring him. ‘That’s not what I mean.’
There was no guarantee we would be together forever. Bu I did not say that. I didn’t want to further upset him. The conversation was over. This was clearly a point on which we would never agree.
I got up and grabbed my handbag. We had a dinner date with my friends. This was the first time they would be meeting him. I was nervous. I wanted my friend to like him as much as I liked him. We were meeting them at Thando’s penthouse.

Dinner was fantastic. Tato talked about his love of music and about his dream to become a musician. My friends hung on every word he spoke. He was a charmer. I was quite pleased.
After dinner, I went to drop Tato at the taxi rank. He got out of my BMW X1 and jumped into a beat down corroded coffin on wheels, they called a taxi, which puffed a cloud of smoke as it taxied on.
I went back to Thando’s place where my friends were waiting for me. I was anxious to hear what they thought of my new boyfriend.
Thando was the first to comment. ‘You have to dump him,’ she said. ‘You had to drop him off at a taxi rank. That’s just not on.’
No surprises there. Thando didn’t date a man unless he had a supersized bank account. But I wasn’t like that.
Ja, what’s up with that?’ Ed asked. ‘Why didn’t you just drop him off in Alex?’
I poured myself a glass of wine. ‘It’s too far,’ I said. I took a seat between Thando and Ed. ‘It’s late. It’s not safe.’ I shrugged. ‘And, Thando, him not having a car is not an issue,’ I added. ‘Not for me anyway.’
‘He’s not a good fit for the group,’ Matt said. ‘He doesn’t have a job.’
‘Matt!’ I turned to look at Matt who sat cross-legged on a one-sitter. ‘I expected that from Thando, but not from you!’
‘Just saying… He won’t be able to afford you. Your outfit today costs more than his monthly salary.’
I glanced down at my outfit. ‘That is not true.’
‘That bag alone—’
I cut Ed off. ‘Fine, I get your point. But that doesn’t matter to me. I like him.’
Matt shook his head. ‘In all seriousness, I don’t have a problem with his employment situation. He is following his dream. Good for him.’
I smiled.
Matt continued, ‘But there’s something off about the guy. He’s too much of a smooth talker. I don’t trust him.’
Those words wiped away my smile. ‘You just met the guy. Would you give him a chance? If there’s something wrong with him, I’ll leave him. Would you please relax? I’m not planning to marry him or anything,’ I said.
I didn’t know whether our relationship would stand the test of time, but I was willing to give it my all. There was something special about Tato; I felt it, even if my friends didn’t.
‘As my friends, I was hoping you’d support me, but I guess I was wrong. You’re all materialistic. Shame on you,’ I said.
They mumbled something I couldn’t hear.
I waited. No one spoke.
‘Fine. We’ll give him a chance. But when he starts using you for what you have, don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ Matt said.
I was happy to have support from my friends, even though I had to coerce them into accepting him. I smiled, looking forward to a great future with this man. I had no idea that more troubles were to follow.

Friday 17 May 2013

A Wonderful Encounter

For months now I’ve been avoid the scale. No woman wants confirmation that her weight was on the rise. But avoiding the scales did not help, because my clothes confirmed my fears. I was getting big and I had to do something about it or buy new clothes that fit. As exciting as shopping was, buying a larger size was terrifying.
I approached Matt and asked him to be my personal trainer. It was difficult to admit that I needed help, but it was better than buying a size 38 pants. Just a thought of wearing a bigger size sent me racing on a treadmill. What made me work harder were the stares I was getting from my colleagues. One person even asked me whether I was expecting. I was mortified.
‘You don’t look that bad,’ Thando lied. She was a good friend who wanted to spare my feelings.
‘She’s lying to you,’ Matt said. ‘A true friend would tell you that you’re becoming too big for your jeans. You’re literally spilling out of your pants.’
‘I’m sorry, Q, you know I love you, but I have to agree with Matt on this one,’ Ed said.
I covered my face with my hands. I don’t know how I’d let myself go.
‘I’ll help you get rid of the muffin top,’ Matt said. ‘You have to strictly follow my plan. No cheating. No slacking.’
I nodded. I was determined to lose this weight.
‘May I ask what caused you to…’ Thando hesitated, trying to find the right words. ‘…let yourself go?’
It was a good question. One I didn’t want to face. The overeating started after I found out that Sbu was engaged. I knew that I had lost him forever, so I turned to food for comfort. After all, nothing says all is well better than chocolate.
‘You know what you need?’ Thando said. ‘A boyfriend. Having sex will help you burn a lot of calories.’
I laughed. She was right. If I wanted to forget about Sbu, I had to get back into the dating world. ‘I don’t know. I don’t want to be hurt again.’
‘Oh don’t worry. I know this guy from varsity. He’d be perfect for you. And he’s so sweet, he wouldn’t hurt a fly,’ Thando said.
I nodded. ‘I guess one date wouldn’t hurt.’
That response resulted in a string of blind dates. All my friends decided to set me up. Even my editor, Gail, had a friend, who had a friend who was single.
Most of those blind dates were disastrous. It was enough to put me off blind dates for life. I had just about given up on meeting someone special when I ran into a young man at my favourite restaurant in Sandton.
He was handsome and younger that I. He was a musician. I was there on a bad blind date and as luck would have it, his band was playing there that night. It made my bad blind date tolerable.
The attraction was instant. I gazed at him on the stage and he winked at me. He played his guitar so well. He fingers gently striking the right cord each time.
All of the sudden, it was the two of us in the room. He was playing the song for me, looking straight into my eyes. I was having a lovely time until I was reminded that I was on a date with another man.
I blinked away from my daydream and focused on what he was saying. He was rambling on about what he was worth, how much money he had in the bank, what car he drove and about future acquisitions. I was bored out of my skull. But I didn’t leave, because I was hoping to have a chance encounter with the guitar player.
When the band exited the stage, I tried escaping the horrible blind date, but failed. Mr self-important wouldn’t let me leave. When I told him I had to go, he started weeping. I was so confused. So I stayed for another hour to stroke his ego.
When the date finally ended, I was sure the band had left. I was disappointed. I’d hope to meet them, tell them how wonderful they were, and perhaps slip my number to the guitarist while at it.
As I walked to my car, someone approached me. It was the guitarist. He smiled and waved his hand. I waved back.
‘I saw you suffering there on your date and wished I could rescue you,’ he said. ‘But your date was so big I was afraid he would punch me.’
I laughed. ‘Q,’ I said extending my hand.
‘Excuse me?’
‘My name… I mean… My name is Qaqamba, but everyone calls me Q.’
‘Nice to meet you, Q. My name is Tato. I’d like to buy you a drink. Would you like to go back inside for a real date?’
I smiled. Things were suddenly looking up. We went inside for drinks and had an opportunity to get to know each other better. Tato rescued my evening and turned a horrible experience to a wonderful encounter.

Wednesday 15 May 2013

Lost Forever

I knew I would have a bad day when my editor Gail Smit walked into my office with a wide smile on her face. Gail found little to be joyful about. She always looked like she was sucking lemons. So you must understand my concern when she walked into my office with a bounce on her step and her lips stretched into a smile.
‘Good news! Good news! I’ve managed to secure an interview with Sbu Langa and his supermodel fiancée Cynthia!’ She could hardly contain her excitement. ‘Isn’t that wonderful? And guess what?’
She waited. I stared at her blankly, still trying to process the news. Sbu was engaged? I couldn’t believe it.
‘You get to write the article,’ she said.
I immediately shook my head. There was no way I could face Sbu and his fiancée. If you don’t remember, Sbu was the man who once claimed he loved me. He was going to leave his girlfriend for me. Now I find out he was engaged?
‘I’m sorry, Gail, I can’t—’
Her eyes widened in disbelief. ‘What do you mean, you can’t? Do you have any idea how difficult it was for us to get this interview? Sbu turned down all other magazines. He’s giving us an exclusive.’
‘It’s just that Sbu and I—‘
She didn’t give me a chance to complete my thought. ‘It doesn’t matter what history the two of you have. You’re a professional and I’m sure you can handle it, else I wouldn’t be giving you this opportunity.’ She paused. ‘And he asked for you by name.’ She hurried out of my office avoiding an argument.
I decided to let it go for now. I would confront her later, when my anger had subsided.

I couldn’t believe Sbu was doing this to me. I wondered why. Many thoughts came to my mind, but none made sense. To get my thoughts straight, I discussed this with my best friend, Ed.
He was as shocked as I was on Sbu’s pending nuptials. ‘Why is he asking you to do the interview?’ he asked as we walked from our office to a coffee shop a block away.
I shrugged. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy for Sbu, but did he have to rub it on my face.
‘Did you do something to upset him?’
‘No. I haven’t seen him in a while. And the last time I saw him, we’d parted on good terms.’
‘Maybe he’s angry that you rejected him.’
‘He’s not that kind of a person. None of this is like him. It doesn’t make sense.’ I couldn’t figure it out.
‘I must admit that I’m a little disappointed,’ Ed said as we crossed a busy intersection. ‘I was hoping the two of you would end up together. I liked Sbu.’
I didn’t know what to say. I was a little disappointed myself. In my heart of hearts, I had believed that Sbu was a man of his word. I had believed that he truly had feeling for me, but I guess I was wrong.
‘I’m better off without him,’ I said, trying to convince myself.
Ed cleared his throat. ‘Gail has asked me to do a fashion shoot with them. It’s for the same issue that they’ll be featured on the magazine,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry; I’ll give Cynthia all the bad outfits.’
We entered the coffee shop and stood in the queue behind two teenage girls who were chatting loud enough for the entire restaurant to hear their conversation. They were excited about something.
I rolled my eyes at them. The last thing I wanted to hear were sounds of laughter.
‘Oh relax,’ Ed said. ‘I’m sure it’s not gonna be as bad as you imagine.’

The interview was awkward at best. But I handled it professionally. I couldn’t let Sbu know that I was hurting. They came to our offices because they were scheduled for the fashion shoot immediately after the interview.
Being alone with them was difficult. Every time they held hands, my heart shrunk a little. It was painful.
I couldn’t stand to see him with Cynthia. I couldn’t blame her, of course. She was an innocent bystander. The culprit here was Sbu. If we were alone, I would have shown him exactly how I felt. I was angry. I was upset. I was hurt. I feared I would burst out crying, but thankfully, I managed to keep my emotions in check.
To start the interview, Cynthia told me about their wedding plans. Where they were jetting off to for their honeymoon. How happy she was. How lucky she was. She went on and on and on.
I noticed that Sbu had not said much throughout the interview. I turned to look at him. I gave him my best professional smile.
‘How did you propose?’ I asked, cutting Cynthia off mid-sentence.
There was no response.
‘Our readers would be interested,’ I pushed.
‘Er… I … I…’ he stammered.
Interesting, I thought.
Cynthia came to his rescue. She filled in the gaps. The words gushed out of her mouth. She told me how he’d flown her to Cape Town and while there he’d surprised her. There was the beach, there was wine, and there was a diamond ring.
To my trained ear, it sounded too rehearsed. But I dismissed that as jealousy.
While she rambled on, I focused my attention on Sbu. I was confused. He looked unhappy. He had a plastered smile on his face, one that did not reach his eyes. Maybe I was imagining things, I told myself. It was time to let him go.
‘Thank you for a great interview. I wish you both all the best for your future,’ I said and to my surprise, I realised that I meant it. I smiled.

Later that day as I was about to leave the office, I heard a knock. I was facing away from the door packing my bag. I turned my head and there he was. The tall, handsome Sbu entered my office. The sight of him knocked out all the air in my lungs. I turned away continuing with the task at hand and because I didn’t want him to see me losing it.
He closed the door behind him. I heard the key turn in its socket as he locked the door, locking us in. Suddenly the office became tiny and hot.
‘I wanted to see you,’ he said.
I rolled my eyes. I didn’t believe a word he said.
‘You wouldn’t return my calls. You don’t respond to my emails. Tell me what was I to do?’
‘So you thought putting me through that was the best solution? I had to listen to your fiancée babbling on about your happy life.’
‘I’m sorry. I just wanted to see you.’
‘Please stop toying with my emotions. You’re getting married in a couple of months.’
‘I can’t stop thinking about you. I think about you all the times. It’s driving me insane,’ he said.
I stopped what I was doing and turned around to face him, my hands now planted on my hips. I wanted to punch him between the eyes. Who the hell did he think he was?
‘Well, too bad, I’m over you,’ I said with the calmness I did not feel. It was a lie and he saw right through it.
He took two short strides and closed the gap between the two of us. With one hand, he gentle held my head, and the other he placed on my back. He lowered his lips to mine and passionately kissed me.
He tasted so sweet. Like cherries. No, like sweet grapes. I couldn’t decide. He was strong, solid and powerful. I lost my resolve and kissed him back. He made me feel like no man has ever made me feel before. A throbbing developed in my core. I wanted more of him, so I held him closer. I let myself get lost in the kiss. I wanted him. I wasn’t over him. Tears burnt at the back of my eyes. I pushed him away. I couldn’t do this to myself.
‘No!’ I screamed. ‘I won’t let you play with my emotions.’
He looked confused. Still a little dazed.
‘You’re getting married in a couple of months.’ Tears fell down my cheeks. I could no longer hold them in. ‘How do you think she would feel if she walked in on us? Do you think she’d be happy? Cheer us on? Open your eyes, Sbu, else we’re all going to end up hurt. You’ve made your choice, now you’ll have to learn to live with it.’
‘I want you,’ he said.
‘No.’ I shook my head, while chocking back my sobs. I didn’t want to hear it anymore. ‘No.’ I said again. ‘Action speaks louder than words. If you truly meant that, I would be the one wearing the ring.’
He held my face with his large hands and wiped my tears with his thumbs. That caused fresh tears to fall down. He gathered me into his arms. I held him closer for the last time. I said my goodbyes in my heart.
Moments later, he left. Before walking out, he looked back at me and said, ‘I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.’
He left me standing alone in my office. I knew in my heart of hearts that he was gone forever.