Thursday, 24 January 2013
Liquid Die… I Mean Diet
My diet wasn’t working. The ugly scale confirmed it. The number stared up at me defiantly. 73kg. I wanted to scream at it, but instead I tucked the scale away and started forming a new plan.
I’ve been invited to an exclusive party in little over a week. A party that many celebrities were going to attend. It was hosted by Thando’s new boyfriend. I was desperate to lose at least 5kg by then. OK, maybe 3kg was more realistic. So I decided to do what anyone in my position would have done. I did a liquid diet. You know, like the one Beyoncé did to lose all that weight in fourteen days. Only, I didn’t have fourteen days, only seven.
Day 1 on the diet was horrible. I was so hungry. All I thought about was a juicy steak. I could envision it, smell it, taste it. It grew legs and walked towards me. Inviting me. I salivated. Then I opened my eyes and the image evaporated. I was so hungry. What made matters worse was all my friends and colleagues eating delicious food. Did they have to do that in front of me?
‘Why are you killing yourself?’ Ed asked. He had an oversized chicken leg in his hand. I was sure that the chicken was full of growth hormones. Nevertheless, it still smelled good.
‘I need to look good. You heard what Thando said, celebs are gonna be there,’ I said.
‘I can’t wait to meet her man,’ Ed said. ‘Thando!’ he called.
Thando appeared from her bedroom. ‘Whatup?’
‘Does your man have any gorgeous, single friends?’
‘I believe he does. Want me to hook you up?’
Ed smiled. ‘Oh would you please? Being alone sucks. I need someone to share my life with.’
I rolled my eyes. I lifted the bottle of my disgusting concoction and took a sip. I had physical pain in my stomach, that’s how hungry I was.
‘That can’t be healthy for you,’ Thando said. ‘What is it?’
‘A way for me to lose weight fast. I need to look good for your party. I don’t want you to feel embarrassed when you introduce me to your man,’ I said.
‘Why would I feel embarrassed?’
‘Because I’m fat.’
‘Are you kidding me? You are not fat. You look fine the way you are. I want you alive, not killed by diet. Besides, if you’re dead, you’ll miss out on the fabulous party.’
I smiled and nodded. I had good friends who loved and cared for me.
‘Hmmm, Ed, that looks amazing,’ she said, pointing at the oversized leg of chicken. ‘I think I’ll have some.’
‘Help yourself. I bought enough for everyone. Q…’ he turned to me, ‘…there’s a piece for you also.’
I ignored him. I was sure the scale would reward me the next day. It didn’t.
I hate the scale. The ugly, unfeeling, uncaring piece of metal. I stared at the number and couldn’t believe it. I’d starved myself for an entire day and this is how I get rewarded? The number stared at me defiantly. 72.9kg. Thus ended the crazy liquid die, I mean diet.