It's Complicated

She saw him again. At the launch of a new perfume by the gorgeous actress Connie Ferguson. She was standing alone at the balcony trying to get some fresh air and to clear her thoughts. The launch was on the top floor of the Michelangelo Towers in Sandton. She was admiring the landscape below when Sbu joined her. In anticipation of bumping into him, Q had put her best foot forward. She wore a creation by her favourite designer David Tlale that accentuated her best assets, and Manolo Blahnik strappy heels. She didn’t know why she did this to herself. She couldn’t help it. She looked forward to seeing him, but at the same time, she didn’t want to see him because she knew it would upset her.

‘I was hoping to run into you here,’ he said.

Her heart started beating faster when she heard his voice. She didn’t look at him; she didn’t want to tempt herself. ‘Really?’ she said.

He nodded, but said nothing.

‘Why?’

He looked down at the beautiful landscape and then back at her. ‘Because I can’t stop thinking about you. I think about you all the times. It’s driving me insane.’

She didn’t know what to say, her breath was caught in her throat. She didn’t trust herself to respond. She didn’t think indulging Sbu was a good idea. Because the same man who claimed not to be able to get her out of his mind had a fiancé.

‘It’s complicated,’ he said, as if reading her thoughts. ‘Every time I want to breakup with her something comes up. She’s just recently lost a cousin she was really close to.’

To Q it sounded like an excuse. If he wanted to leave her, he would.

‘I want to be with you, I really do. It’s just that…’

More excuses.

Q had accepted that she and Sbu would never be. It was just not meant to be. But he made it difficult every time he declared his undying love for her. She didn’t want to hear it anymore. She decided to leave, but Sbu arrested her steps by grabbing her wrist. A throb rippled through her body to her core, as his gentle hand connected with her skin. She wanted to walk away, but her feet failed her. She was afraid she would fall, so she held on to him. They were facing each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Sbu caressed her arm; the motion was slow, almost hesitant. She closed her eyes as the warmth within her spread. She could feel his love radiating inside of her. He used his thumb to lift up her chin. He leaned closer. She didn’t protest. Her mind was dazed. She had no control of her faculties. She didn’t understand why he had such power over her.

Their lips were so close she could feel his breath falling gentle on her face. As he leaned even closer, she got hold of her conviction and took a giant step back, as far away from him as she could manage. She wasn’t about to become the other woman in this equation.

She was about to walk away when his fiancé walked in on them. For a brief moment, she felt guilty, as if they’d been caught doing something inappropriate. Perhaps it was because Cynthia would have been upset if she’d heard their conversation. Q had nothing to feel guilty about, but Sbu did. It wasn’t her fault that he was attracted to her.

Cynthia smiled at them. If she had any inkling of their uneasiness, she gave no indication. ‘Here you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you,’ she said. She put her arm around him and drew him closer. She was marking her territory. She was telling Q that Sbu belonged to her.

Q was taken aback. She hadn’t expected the gorgeous model that had a smoking hot body, to feel threatened by her. It just went to show that everyone had their insecurities, no matter how beautiful, how rich, or how successful. She coughed to cover the smile that was forming on her lips.

‘Come, honey, I want to introduce you to some people. Q, if you’d excuse us,’ she said.

Q nodded.

He reluctantly followed her. He seemed unhappy. Q almost felt sorry for him. She started wondering why he was with her if he was unhappy. He was an intelligent, resourceful man and yet here he was trapped in a loveless, joyless relationship. His relationship was as Q’s Facebook relationship status: it’s complicated.

Cynthia smiled at her man as they walked back inside the launch party, but she was fuming inside. She was livid, so much that she couldn’t string a sentence together. So she decided to say nothing. How dare Q lure her man outside where they’d be alone, wearing such a revealing dress? She couldn’t get out of her mind the way they’d looked at each other, the way Sbu had caressed her arm and the way he’d undressed her with his eyes. If she didn’t have a sense to interrupt them, they would have kissed. She was sure of it. More like Sbu would have kissed Q. Cynthia had seen how Q had moved back to avoid the kiss and she’d seen how her man had leaned in anyway, almost tripping over his own feet.

She grabbed a glass of wine from one of the waiters who were walking around with drinks and hors d’oeuvres. She needed something to calm her nerves so that she could think clearly. She did all in her power not to reach for the delicious tiny snacks. She was a stress eater, but she would be damned if she let that woman ruin both her evening and her figure.

She knew it was time to accelerate her plan. She had no choice; she had to take care of Q. She would ensure that Q was out of Sbu’s life permanently.

The perfume launch event was a success. The venue was packed to capacity with celebrities, businessman, and TV presenters who occasionally interviewed guests getting their opinion on the new perfume and asking them who they were wearing. Q had an unfortunate luck to run into a TV crew as she rushed back inside the venue from the balcony. She feigned a smile as best as she could and responded to all the questions patiently, giving no indication that she was in a rush. The TV presenter even made her do a little twirl for the camera so that viewers at home could see her gorgeous dress.

As soon as she was done, she rushed to the corner where her friends stood.

‘Please find me a man and do it soon,’ she said as she joined them.

Ed and Thando smiled. They’d tried for months to hook Q up, with zero results to show for it. And here she was practically begging them to do what they so enjoyed doing. They immediately started scouting around the room for a potential partner for Q. Thando scanned the room for a wealthy man, while Ed scanned the room for a handsome man.

Matt responded by pulling Q aside. ‘What happened?’ he asked.

‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Q said. She did all she could not to break down; she didn’t want to ruin her make up.

‘Do what?’

‘I bumped into Sbu outside and we almost kissed.’

‘Almost what?’Thando asked. The search for a suitable partner momentarily suspended.

‘When did this happen? Where was I?’ Ed asked feeling left out.

‘This has to stop,’ Q said.

Matt nodded. ‘Agreed,’ he said. ‘It has to stop before someone gets hurt.’

Q looked up and saw, at a distance, Sbu and Cynthia in each other’s arms, posing for a picture that would appear at the social pages of the newspaper the next day. They both smiled as the flash illuminated their faces. She could feel the tears threatening to break through.

‘I can’t do this anymore. Please take me home.’

They all scanned the room checking for an image that had caused Q to be so upset. They spotted it a few feet away. Cynthia was leaning closer to Sbu who was feigning a smile for the camera.

‘Take me home now!’

Matt immediately grabbed her arm and led her outside. Thando and Ed followed closely behind them.

Q was glad to have such good friends who were willing to leave a great launch party for her. She treasured their support. She didn’t understand why sometimes life had to be so complicated.

An Office Kiss

I was a little surprised when the man that I loved, the one who was not available, showed up at work looking for me. I stood when I saw him entering my office. He closed the door behind him. The way he looked at me knocked out all the air from my lungs.

‘Sbu,’ I said. The words were barely audible. I cleared my throat and stood up straight. ‘What are you doing here?’

‘I spoke to Thando,’ he said, as if that would explain why he was standing before me. He moved to my side of the desk. I moved back slightly, not trusting myself.

‘She told me how you feel about me,’ he said.

Damn Thando, I thought.

‘Well, it doesn’t matter, you have a girlfriend,’ I said.

‘I’m not married,’ he responded. And it was true, but it did not matter because they were such a high profile couple.

He lifted his hand and caressed my cheek. I leaned in for a moment. I felt drawn to him as if an unseen force was pushing me closer to him and at the same time pulling us together.

He cupped my face into his large yet soft hands. He leaned closer and kissed my forehead. I closed my eyes and my lips parted slightly. I lost control of my faculties at this point. He kissed the tip of my nose and then each of my cheeks. His breath was warm and so sweet against my skin.

He leaned in to kiss my lips, his own lips parted. I leaned in. We slowly moved our lips closer together. As our lips were about to touch, a loud knock jolted me into reality. I jumped back a little. And the spell was gone.

I cleared my throat. ‘Come in,’ I said.

Lungi, an intern with the magazine came in. She looked at the two of us. We looked like two teenagers who’d been caught by our parents making out. I didn’t know what to do with my hands. I rubbed them together, then I stuffed them into my pockets. I took them out and straightened my top.

Lungi raised an eyebrow and smiled.

‘Yes, Lungi, what can I do for you?’ I asked.

She quickly dropped some envelopes on my in box. ‘These came for you,’ she said. She reached for the door. She turned to look at us one more time and then she left.

All the blood I had in my body rushed to my face. My heart was racing so fast. I couldn’t believe how close we’d been to getting caught. I took a seat behind the desk and turned all business like. I looked up at him.

‘This cannot happen again,’ I said.

‘Why not?’ he asked. ‘I like you and you obviously feel the same way.’

‘Because you have a girlfriend. I don’t wanna be known as the woman who wrecked your happy home. Because I’m not that woman.’

‘I’ll break up with her,’ he said.

‘Well, until then I think we shouldn’t see each other.’

He leaned closer to the desk and stared into my eyes. ‘You won’t reject me once I’m single and available again, would you?’

I hesitated long enough for him to move away. He laughed and shook his head.

‘You’re only interested in me because I’m not available. And for a moment there, I thought you had feelings for me.’

He left my office. I watched him walk away and I wondered whether he was right. Was I only attracted to him because he was unavailable? Would I still feel the same way once he was single again? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t guarantee that I’d still have these feelings once he was back in the market. I went back to work and willed myself to forget about him, as I was sure I would never see him again.

The Girl with a Difficult Name

It’s funny how in a big city like Johannesburg with a population of about 3.8million people, you always run into the one person you’re avoiding. For me that person was Sbu Langa. Why here? Why now? Why him? I asked myself as I ducked back into Zara at Sandton City. I’d just completed the task of returning the clothing items I’d purchased to make me feel better, clothes that I didn’t need and couldn’t afford.

‘Q, is that you?’ I heard him ask.

I froze in place, not sure what to do. I slowly turned and faced him. His generous lips were stretched into a smile. I smiled back at him and pretended that my stomach didn’t just do a double flip at the sight of him.

He was so gorgeous and so not available.

‘Hi, Sbu, I didn’t see you,’ I lied.

He gave me a hug. He smelled so good. My heart started beating faster. I pushed him away, afraid that if I held on for a moment longer I would fall in love with him. And I couldn’t let myself fall for an unavailable man. A man who once liked me. A man who might still have feelings for me, but was now dating a beautiful, tall model.

His six-foot girlfriend walked into the shop, reminding me that I wasn’t part of his life. That he wasn’t mine. He smiled at her and introduced us. My mind wondered for a moment. I wished he smiled at me the way he smiled at her. I wished he looked at me the way he looked at her.

‘Nice to meet you, Q,’ the girlfriend said. Her name was Cynthia Brown.

I feigned a smile and said, ‘Nice to meet you too, Cynthia.’ It was a lie. And it was getting a little awkward.

‘So why does everyone call you Q?’ she asked.

‘That’s because people can’t pronounce my name,’ I said.

‘I can,’ Sbu said. He sounded proud of himself, as if knowing how to pronounce my name was of national importance.

The girlfriend got curious. ‘What’s your full name?’

‘Qaqamba Ngqiqo,’ he said my name as if it was the sexiest name on earth. There was nothing sexy about my name, but hearing him say it made my heart skipped a beat.

The girlfriend tried pronouncing my name, but she struggled saying the “qa” sound, it sounded like a “ca” sound. She ended up pronouncing it “Cacamba”.

Sbu and I held back our laughter. Of course, I hadn’t expected him to laugh at his own girlfriend. It gave me hope that maybe they weren’t serious. I was reaching, I knew, but I was willing to hold on to any hope that he might still like me. And as for my name being mispronounced, I was used to it, maybe I shouldn’t be, but I didn’t want to stress myself about it.

What mattered was that Sbu still liked me. He confirmed this by looking back at me as he was walking away with his girlfriend. He smiled and winked as they disappeared out of the shop. I held on to the nearest counter to steady myself. I didn’t understand how I could be falling for him, when only weeks ago I’d rejected him. Now I couldn’t get him out of my mind.

The Thrill of the Chase

Why do we always want what is not available? Why is it so attractive? Is it for the thrill of the chase?

After weeks of asking me out, Sbu Langa – the eligible bachelor – finally gave up. He accepted that I was not available. At first, his decision had been welcomed fresh air to my life, but when I saw him a few weeks later, on TV, in the arms of supermodel Cynthia Brown – whose long legs went on forever – I realised that I had made a mistake. I wanted to be with him. I was suddenly attracted to him.

Suddenly, many questions went through my mind. Why had I rejected him all of those months? Why had I not felt even a little of what I felt today? Did I want him now because he was unavailable? I placed my head in my hands, feeling frustrated as I didn’t have answers to my many questions.

To clear my head, I went for a jog. When that did not help, I went shopping. Hours later, I returned home with many bags of retail therapy and a maxed credit card, but my frustration remained.

Thando helped me unpack my new clothes. ‘Wow, nice shoes,’ she said as she laid a pair of blue strappy sandals to the side. ‘And I thought I was the shopaholic.’

‘I’ll probably have to return half of these tomorrow,’ I said. But the dress I had in my hands, I would keep, I decided. It was a tight fitting dress that fitted the contours of my body perfectly.

‘I see that retail therapy didn’t work. What’s the matter?’ She grabbed a new box of shoes and tried them on.

‘It’s Sbu,’ I said.

‘What about him?’ She looked down at her feet and admired the new pair of shoes. ‘By the way I’m keeping these.’ She stood and walked around the room.

I shrugged, thinking, whatever. I didn’t care about the shoes. I wanted advice on Sbu. ‘I think I might actually like him.’ I sat down exasperated.

She raised an eyebrow. ‘I told you that you were making a huge mistake by rejecting him. He’s such a catch. I knew that he wouldn’t be in the market for long.’

‘If only I’d listened to you.’ I’d never said those words to Thando before. As a result, she smiled.

‘I need to know that you really like him. That this is not because you miss the attention or that you’re attracted to him because he’s now with someone else.’

I was silent for a moment, deep in thought. ‘I’m not sure.’

‘Well, I need you to be sure. You wouldn’t want to lead the guy on only to break his heart. He really likes you. One word that you reciprocate his feelings and he’ll dump that Amazonian giant like she was yesterday’s news and rush back to you.’

I didn’t believe Thando, but for a brief moment, I pretended that Sbu adored me and that he would dump the supermodel like a hot potato for me.

We continued sorting the pile of clothes and shoes into two. One pile I would keep and the other I would have to return. It helped me forget about Sbu, even if for a moment. I said a small prayer. God, please don’t let me run into him ever again. Because I knew that the next time I did, I would make a total fool of myself.

Office Date

Thando’s plan had backfired on her. She’d invited Sbu, the man she had a crush on, to dinner at our house. She had hoped that he would like her, but he didn’t. He’d spent the entire dinner paying me compliments and asking me awkward questions.

‘He sent me flowers at work,’ I complained to Thando. ‘How did he even know where I work? This is all your fault.’

Thando looked away.

‘What’s that look?’

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about.’

‘Thando?’ I stood in front of her.

‘Okay…’ She shrugged, as if what she would say next was inconsequential. ‘He asked me for your work address.’

‘What? And you gave it to him?’

‘I was visiting Steve, hoping to bump into him, which of course, I did. When he walked into Steve’s office, I thought it was because he wanted to see me, but instead he wanted your address. I was so disappointed.’

Ed walked into the lounge from the kitchen, carrying snacks. He sat next to his partner Matt. ‘So he sent you flowers, I don’t see a problem there,’ he said.

‘Exactly,’ Matt said. ‘I thought you’d be happy.’

‘I don’t like him. I don’t want him stalking me,’ I said.

‘I liked him,’ Matt said. ‘He seemed like such a gentleman.’

‘No one asked you for your opinion, Matt,’ Thando said. ‘Q, I think you’d be a fool if you don’t date him. He’s handsome, he’s tall, and he’s rich.’

‘And that’s the only reason you are attracted to him, isn’t, Thando? His wealth?’

Thando scowled at Matt. ‘Call him, Q, before someone else snatches him.’

I hoped that someone else would snatch it, but it didn’t happened, gift continued pouring in. Every time flowers were delivered at reception, all my colleagues pointed to my office. I thought that if I ignored his advances, Sbu would lose interest. I was wrong. Nothing discouraged him. He sent me many gifts, each with a request to have dinner with him. When he didn’t get a response, he decided to come to the office in person.

‘What are you doing here?’ I asked.

‘I’m here to find out why you won’t accept my invitation to dinner,’ he said.

‘Er… ‘ I cleared my throat. ‘I’m busy.’

‘It’s just one dinner.’

I didn’t respond.

‘You have to eat don’t you?’

I nodded.

‘So, I thought that if you won’t come out to dinner with me, then I’ll bring the dinner here,’ he said. He wheeled a tray of food, similar to the one used by hotels for room service. It was filled with food.

‘You brought this with u?’

He nodded. ‘Well, I had someone bring it up for us. So what do you say?’ He pointed at the tray filled with the most delicious meals.

How could I say no to that? I looked at the food, it smelled really good. I smiled at him. ‘Since the food is here… I guess I can’t let it go to waste.’

He smiled.

And that’s how Sbu got me to go out on a date with him.

Awkward Crush

When I got home that afternoon, I remembered why we were friends. Thando stood in the lounge with a bunch of flowers and boxes of chocolate. One of her hands was hidden behind her. She’d taken the trouble to do the shopping for the dinner we were having with her boyfriend and her new crush. ‘I know these are your favourite,’ she said. Then she moved her hand from behind her to reveal a pair of pink stiletto’s from Zara that I’d been eyeing for a month now. ‘For you.’

How could my heart not melt after that? I reached for the shoes. ‘I love them. You know me so well,’ I said. I immediately tried the shoes on. They were a perfect match. I decided to ignore the boxes of chocolate. I didn’t want to upset my diet; I’ve been so good the past few days, even though the scale was still static.

‘So will you help me prepare for tonight’s dinner? Please?’

I nodded. ‘Sure. I’d love to.’

She jumped and gave me a big hug. ‘Yeah! Well let me get ready for the dinner then. I need to do my hair and my nails—’

I grabbed her handbag from her. ‘I don’t think so. You are not going anywhere. If I can’t get ready, neither can you. You’re gonna stay and help with the dinner.’

She looked at me with sad eyes that were starting to fill with tears. The girl knew how to manipulate me. And I let her. ‘Fine. Go.’

‘Thank you, thank you. I love you.’ She left me standing there in my fabulous new shoes, thinking about what I would prepare for the big dinner. Whatever it was, it would be a healthy meal. Now the trick was to make it interesting.

I managed to get the dinner prepared on time, of course it helped that Ed was there. We cooked while Thando and Matt chatted in the lounge. They didn’t lift a finger to help. But that was probably for the best, we didn’t want the food ruined for our guest.

Steve and Sbu arrived. I was a little disappointed. Thando had described Sbu as tall and handsome, well he was tall, but he wasn’t that good looking, which meant he was way richer than Steve. That’s the only reason Thando would trade him for Steve.

We all sat and enjoyed our dinner. Thando kept smiling and looking suggestively at Sbu, who paid no attention to her. She tried everything to get his attention, but nothing worked. Finally, Thando decided to ask him directly what she wanted to know. ‘So, Sbu,’ she said, reaching for her boyfriend’s hand. ‘Are you seeing anyone? I don’t ever remember reading about your girlfriend, who must be really good looking.’

‘I’m actually not seeing anyone at the moment. I’m just too busy,’ Sbu said.

Thando was unable to hide her smile at that response.

‘What about you, Qaqamba? Are you seeing anyone,’ Sbu asked.

I was surprised that he called my full name. No one called me by my full name anymore. I shook my head. ‘I’m single at the moment.’

Ed coughed, hiding laughter. He knew that Thando liked Sbu.

‘Maybe we could double date,’ Steve said.

‘No, I don’t think so,’ Thando said.

Steve looked at her. ‘Why not?’

‘Because Q is…’ She looked at me for assistance. I offered her none. I was enjoying seeing her squirm. ‘Q is not looking for anything serious at the moment.’

‘Neither am I,’ Sbu said. He winked at me.

Ed leaned towards me and whispered, ‘This is a little awkward.’

Things were turning upside down for Thando. She’d organised the dinner so that she could find a way to connect with Sbu and now her crush was hitting on me. Talk about awkward. I decided to put an end to it.

‘Who would like desserts,’ I asked. I stood and grabbed the plates from the table and went to the kitchen to get dessert. Thando joined me.

‘Oh, this is a disaster,’ she said. ‘Maybe he’s afraid of Steve. Maybe that’s why he’s ignoring me.’

‘Thando, he’s not interested,’ I said. ‘Leave the poor man alone. If you don’t, your boyfriend is gonna push him to me.’

‘Fine,’ she said. But I could see in her eyes that she was trying to come up with another plan to garner Sbu’s interest.

I shook my head. It was not my problem and I wasn’t going to make it mine. I served everyone desserts. I was sure I’ll never see Sbu again, but I was wrong.