Troubles and Big Personalities

The first time I heard the ringing phone I thought I was dreaming. But the ringing got louder and louder and louder. I woke up with a start. I looked around the dark room. The phone continued ringing. I groaned, snapped the light on, and reached for the cell phone. The alarm clock on my bedside table proudly displayed 4:30 am. I wondered who was calling at this ungodly hour.

Tato’s name flashed across the screen.

‘Tato, this better be important. You woke me up,’ I complained.

‘Oh… you were asleep?’ he said.

I rolled my eyes, but said nothing.

‘I need a lift,’ he said.

‘What?’ I sat up on the bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

‘There’s a taxi strike and I need a lift to work. I just got this job; I can’t afford to show up late.’

‘Is there no one else you could call?’

I was eager to return to sleep. I still had a good three hours before I had to wake up for work.

‘No. Please, Q, you know I wouldn’t call if I had other means.’

I sighed.

‘Fine. Give me a few minutes to change and I’ll be on my way.’

I kicked the covers off and reluctantly stepped out of bed. I dragged my feet into the bathroom to freshen up. I decided I would grab a cup of strong coffee on my way out.

As luck would have it, I had a meeting with a client later that day. I was tired. My eyes refused to open, no matter how many energy drinks I consumed.

Ed laughed at me after the meeting. ‘Something wrong? I saw you doze off during the presentation,’ he said.

‘Oh no!’ I was mortified. ‘Do you think Arthur noticed that too?’ Arthur was an executive of an advertising company that ran a few ads in our magazine.

‘Yes he did.’ The voice came from behind us.

I turned to see Author Fox behind me. At that moment, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

‘Was my presentation boring, Miss Ngqiqo?’ He mispronounced my surname, but I gave him credit for trying.

‘I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t look him in the eye. I could feel all the blood in my veins rushing to my cheeks.

Ed snickered and left me to face the client alone.

‘You know what you need?’ Arthur said.

I looked up at him then. ‘What?’

‘A strong cup of coffee. Come on, it’s on me,’ he said.

Arthur had a reputation of being a player. In all the years of working with him, I was yet to see that side of him displayed. I had a feeling that if I joined him, I would see that side. I rummaged through my tired mind for an excuse.

‘I wish I could join you, but I have another meeting soon. Rain check?’ I regretted the last statement as it left my lips.

He smiled and winked. ‘I’ll hold you to that,’ he said. ‘Good day, Miss Ngqiqo.’

I winced as he mispronounced my surname, but I was relieved that he bought my excuse.

Later that evening, we attended an opening of an upmarket restaurant in Parktown. The food was delicious. The waiter was placing the main course at our table and had just opened for us our second bottle of wine. As tired as I was, I was having a lot of fun. My diet was forgotten for the night. I decided to eat everything placed in front of me, including dessert.

We were all dressed up for the occasion. Even Matt swapped his gym gear for a suit. Thando was impressed.

‘I must say, you look so damn good! I see why you hide this one, Ed. The ladies might mistakenly think he was available.’

Matt smiled. His cheeks turned red. He looked away. He lifted one hand and ran it through his hair. He hated attention.

‘I picked the outfit for him,’ Ed said.

‘Q, I heard you fell asleep at work today,’ Matt said in an attempt to change the subject. ‘What were you doing last night?’

‘Maybe the question is who she was doing?’ Ed said.

‘You were doing Tato, weren’t you?’ Thando said. She just couldn’t resist. ‘It’s ok, you can tell us.’

‘I did no one last night,’ I responded. That would have been preferable, instead of what had happened. ‘I had to pick up Tato, early in the morning, from Alex.’ I explained to them Tato’s early morning predicament.

‘I told you that he was going to use you,’ Matt said. ‘First it’s a small favour, next he’ll be asking to move in with you.’

I hated to agree with him, but he was right. ‘I know,’ I said, a little displeased. ‘He started by borrowing money.’

‘What?’ Ed said.

‘Oh wow, that’s the lowest of the low. If I were you, I would have dumped his broke ass long ago,’ Thando said. She took a bite of her chicken fillet.

‘I don’t mind helping him out, but I don’t want to be his bank or his loan shark,’ I said. ‘It makes things weird, messy and complicated; especially since he hasn’t paid me back a cent.’

Matt turned his attention to Thando. ‘Isn’t this the same thing that you do, Thando? So why should Q dump the guy?’

Thando dismissed his comment. ‘When the man has more money than the lady, the way nature intended, it’s acceptable. The other way around is not ok. No man wants his woman to have more money than him. It makes them feel emasculated.’

Matt shook his head and laughed. He understood now that there was no way to get through to Thando.

‘Why are you still with him, Q?’ Ed asked.

‘I know why,’ Thando said. She had a big grin on her face.

‘Why?’ Ed wanted to know.

I cleared my throat. ‘He has a large…’ I cleared my throat again. ‘…Personality.’

‘Really?’ Ed said, intrigued. ‘I would have never imagined that. He’s got such tiny hands.’

‘Oh, sweetie, that whole… er… hands to personality ratio isn’t always true. Small hands don’t equate to small personality and large hands don’t mean large personality,’ Thando said. ‘I dated a gorgeous man once. He was very tall, had the largest hands I’ve ever seen, but his personality was so tiny that I felt embarrassed for him.’

We laughed. Matt was the only one not laughing. He looked confused.

‘I don’t get it.’

Ed leaned closer to him and whispered to his ear one word. ‘Penis.’

Confusion cleared from his face. ‘Oh. Hand size indicating the package size. I get it now.’ He took a sip of his drink. ‘But why don’t you just say penis? Why nickname it?’

‘We’re in a public area. We don’t want to get kicked out of this amazing restaurant,’ I said. For the first time that evening, I took in the beauty of the restaurant. I looked around. The opening was a success. The restaurant was fully booked. The waiters were running around taking orders, delivering food and drinks, and clearing tables as they became unoccupied. They ushered people from the waiting area, who’d been waiting all night for a table to become available.

‘Well, it doesn’t matter the size of his personality, you don’t want him to empty your bank account,’ Thando said. ‘I don’t want to see you hurt.’

‘I know.’ I’d realised that this relationship was not going to work, size of personality notwithstanding. But it was still sad to admit.

‘Good men are hard to come by,’ I said.

‘Don’t worry, someday you’ll find someone special,’ Ed said.

‘Like Sbu,’ Thando said out of the blue.

I looked at her in disbelief. Why on earth would she mention his name? Why now? I became angry. I was about to respond to her when she said, ‘He’s here.’

‘What?’ The anger I had felt only a second ago was replaced with anxiety. I wanted to hide under the table. For a split second, I wished that Tato were next to me so I could flaunt him in front of Sbu.

‘I wonder what size personality he has,’ Thando said.

They giggled. I didn’t join them. I kept thinking that out of all restaurants in the Jo’burg area, Sbu just had to come to this one.

Sbu walked into my view. My breath was suspended in my throat. He looked so good. He was dressed so well, as if the designer had him in mind when he designed the pants and shirt. All the feeling that I thought were buried, resurfaced all at once, torturing me. In one second, he’d managed to turn my amazing evening into a dreadful one.

I plastered a smile on my face and prayed that my inner turmoil was not showing on my face. I had to accept that our relationship would forever be like the Facebook relationship status: “it’s complicated”.

In the Name of Love

There’s no greater feeling than being in love. When in love, it made me feel like all was well with the world. People could be swearing at me, pointing fingers, or angry with me and I would still respond with a smile. I wouldn’t be fazed, all because of how I felt.

Tato and I had been dating for a month now and things were going great. He was wonderful, considerate, and a great listener. He always said the right thing at the right time. He wanted to spend every moment of everyday with me.

Tato was a struggling musician. He still lived with his parents and sometimes crashed with friends. He didn’t own a car, didn’t have any savings in his account. He basically lived from hand to mouth. Even though that was a slight setback, I could live with it. What I couldn’t live with was his lack of ambition. He didn’t want to further his studies, even though I was willing to help him secure funding. We argued about this often.

I placed a stack of university and college brochures on the table.

‘All I’m asking you to do is consider it,’ I said. ‘You could study music or something related to the music industry.’

He ignored the brochures. By the way he looked at them, I knew he wouldn’t touch them. ‘So you have a problem dating an uneducated man?’ Tato said.

‘If I had a problem, I wouldn’t be with you, would I?’

He did not respond.

I sat next to him on the pale blue couch in my living room. ‘Look, I care about you and I know you have such potential. Don’t you want to improve your life?’

He moved closer to me and held my hand. ‘You make my life so much better. You improve my life,’ he said.

I wasn’t sure how to interpret that. So I decided not to.

‘But what if I’m not around? What then?’

A frown formed in his brow. He let go of my hand. ‘What does that mean? Are you breaking up with me?’

‘No, no, no,’ I said quickly, reassuring him. ‘That’s not what I mean.’

There was no guarantee we would be together forever. Bu I did not say that. I didn’t want to further upset him. The conversation was over. This was clearly a point on which we would never agree.

I got up and grabbed my handbag. We had a dinner date with my friends. This was the first time they would be meeting him. I was nervous. I wanted my friend to like him as much as I liked him. We were meeting them at Thando’s penthouse.

Dinner was fantastic. Tato talked about his love of music and about his dream to become a musician. My friends hung on every word he spoke. He was a charmer. I was quite pleased.

After dinner, I went to drop Tato at the taxi rank. He got out of my BMW X1 and jumped into a beat down corroded coffin on wheels, they called a taxi, which puffed a cloud of smoke as it taxied on.

I went back to Thando’s place where my friends were waiting for me. I was anxious to hear what they thought of my new boyfriend.

Thando was the first to comment. ‘You have to dump him,’ she said. ‘You had to drop him off at a taxi rank. That’s just not on.’

No surprises there. Thando didn’t date a man unless he had a supersized bank account. But I wasn’t like that.

‘Ja, what’s up with that?’ Ed asked. ‘Why didn’t you just drop him off in Alex?’

I poured myself a glass of wine. ‘It’s too far,’ I said. I took a seat between Thando and Ed. ‘It’s late. It’s not safe.’ I shrugged. ‘And, Thando, him not having a car is not an issue,’ I added. ‘Not for me anyway.’

‘He’s not a good fit for the group,’ Matt said. ‘He doesn’t have a job.’

‘Matt!’ I turned to look at Matt who sat cross-legged on a one-sitter. ‘I expected that from Thando, but not from you!’

‘Just saying… He won’t be able to afford you. Your outfit today costs more than his monthly salary.’

I glanced down at my outfit. ‘That is not true.’

‘That bag alone—’

I cut Ed off. ‘Fine, I get your point. But that doesn’t matter to me. I like him.’

Matt shook his head. ‘In all seriousness, I don’t have a problem with his employment situation. He is following his dream. Good for him.’

I smiled.

Matt continued, ‘But there’s something off about the guy. He’s too much of a smooth talker. I don’t trust him.’

Those words wiped away my smile. ‘You just met the guy. Would you give him a chance? If there’s something wrong with him, I’ll leave him. Would you please relax? I’m not planning to marry him or anything,’ I said.

I didn’t know whether our relationship would stand the test of time, but I was willing to give it my all. There was something special about Tato; I felt it, even if my friends didn’t.

‘As my friends, I was hoping you’d support me, but I guess I was wrong. You’re all materialistic. Shame on you,’ I said.

They mumbled something I couldn’t hear.

I waited. No one spoke.

‘Fine. We’ll give him a chance. But when he starts using you for what you have, don’t say I didn’t warn you,’ Matt said.

I was happy to have support from my friends, even though I had to coerce them into accepting him. I smiled, looking forward to a great future with this man. I had no idea that more troubles were to follow.

The Ghost of Boyfriends Past

I was yet to meet a woman who did not remember every single detail about her first boyfriend. It was a memory that never faded. It was probably lodged in the part of the brain that never suffered from memory loss. We remember their scent, the way they kissed (even if they were terrible kissers) and we wonder what could have been. My first boyfriend’s name was Khaya Luvo. He’d been a soccer player. Very fit. Tall. Handsome. Every girl at school had wanted to be with him. He’d only wanted to be with me. I was the lucky girl that got him. We thought we’d end up married and have two children. A boy and a girl. Or maybe I was the one who’d fantasised about the marriage and the children, and that’s where the problem had been. We’d wanted different things. Khaya had wanted to see the world and I’d wanted to settle down and start a family.

So we’d gone our separate ways.

Of course, that was me many years ago. Now settling down and starting a family were far from my mind.

After receiving a call from Khaya, I started thinking about him a lot. I wondered if he ever left our village and travelled the world like he’d wanted to. I wondered if he ever settled down and had children. I doubted it. He was a free spirit who couldn’t be pinned down.

I was due to meet Khaya in the evening and I was going through the laborious task of choosing an outfit for the evening. I wanted something that said, “I’m cool. I’m a free spirit” and I avoided anything that said, “I wanna settle down”.

Thando was by my side, assisting me choose an appropriate outfit.

Clothes were scatted all over the bed and some were laid neatly on the chair.

‘I can’t believe Khaya is in town,’ she said, daydreaming. ‘Please remind me why he dated you and not me? I was the pretty one.’

‘You had a boyfriend, remember?’

‘That was only because Khaya wouldn’t give me time of day. I finally got the hint and moved on.’

I laughed. ‘You had a massive crush on him, and I ended up getting the man.’

‘Not funny. I was angry with you for days.’

‘Days? More like months. You wouldn’t talk to me. But what was I to do when the village hunk asked me out?’

‘I guess.’ She rolled her eyes. ‘If I were in your shoes, I would have done the same thing.’

I grabbed a Stoned Cherry tight fitting dress from my wardrobe and showed it to Thando. ‘How about this one?’

She nodded and smiled. ‘I like it. It says, I am hot and available.’ She giggled.

I rolled my eyes and decided it was a perfect outfit for me. After all there’s nothing wrong with being available to a man who’d see you naked.

I arrived at the restaurant five minutes late. Being early would have made me to appear desperate. Being too late would’ve made him think I wasn’t interested. However, being five minutes late was perfect. It kept him guessing.

The hostess smiled at me. I gave her my surname; I’d reserved our table under my name. While she was checking her records, I looked around the restaurant, wondering if Khaya had arrived. I couldn’t see him.

‘Let me take you to your table, ma’am,’ the hostess said.

I followed her. ‘Excuse me, has the other party arrived?’

She nodded and pointed at a table in the far corner where a large, balding man sat.

I stopped on my tracks. ‘Are you sure?’ I whispered. I was convinced she was mistaken.

She nodded and continued walking toward the opulent man. I followed her, my steps now hesitant.

I walked around the table and stood next to the empty chair facing my date. Lo and behold, it was Khaya. A much older version. One that I found myself not attracted to. He looked like he was carrying the world’s problems on his shoulders.

‘Khaya?’

He looked up at me. A smiled formed on his face. I saw a hint of the man I used to know.

While I got better with age, Khaya had gotten worse. Maybe I was being a bit unkind; it was just that the man sitting in front of me looked nothing like the Khaya of my childhood.

I noticed that he was wearing a ring. A wave of relief flooded me and I smiled widely.

‘Qaqamba,’ he said his smile widening. ‘You look good.’ He stood and pulled my chair for me. Always a gentleman.

‘I’ll ask the waitress to bring you drinks and take your order. What would you like to drink?’ the hostess asked.

I ordered a glass of red wine and Khaya ordered the same.

I looked at him and smiled. ‘Thank you,’ I said. ‘You don’t look too bad yourself.’ As the lie left my lips, I knew I shouldn’t have said it. I didn’t want to give him the wrong impression. But what does one say in such circumstances?

Looking at him, I realised that it was not that Khaya had lost his handsome looks, it was the sadness in his eyes. He used to always wear a smile that reached his eyes, but there was none of that tonight. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to know what was troubling him. I came here for a fun filled night and not to be turned into a therapist.

Our waitress returned with our drinks.

‘What have you been up to?’ I asked. ‘I see you’re married.’

He stared at his ring as if seeing it for the first time. ‘Separated,’ he said.

‘I’m sorry.’ I started feeling a little uncomfortable again. I wasn’t interested in his troubles.

‘Kids?’

‘Two,’ he responded. ‘A boy and a girl.’

It was funny how the tables had turned. Khaya was living my dream and I was living his. He’d settled down, while I remained a free spirit.

‘Why did we break up? Please remind me.’ He chuckled.

I smiled and took a sip of my drink. I was already thinking of a way to get out of this date without hurting his feelings. I knew nothing good could come out of my date with my ex.