It's Complicated

She saw him again. At the launch of a new perfume by the gorgeous actress Connie Ferguson. She was standing alone at the balcony trying to get some fresh air and to clear her thoughts. The launch was on the top floor of the Michelangelo Towers in Sandton. She was admiring the landscape below when Sbu joined her. In anticipation of bumping into him, Q had put her best foot forward. She wore a creation by her favourite designer David Tlale that accentuated her best assets, and Manolo Blahnik strappy heels. She didn’t know why she did this to herself. She couldn’t help it. She looked forward to seeing him, but at the same time, she didn’t want to see him because she knew it would upset her.

‘I was hoping to run into you here,’ he said.

Her heart started beating faster when she heard his voice. She didn’t look at him; she didn’t want to tempt herself. ‘Really?’ she said.

He nodded, but said nothing.

‘Why?’

He looked down at the beautiful landscape and then back at her. ‘Because I can’t stop thinking about you. I think about you all the times. It’s driving me insane.’

She didn’t know what to say, her breath was caught in her throat. She didn’t trust herself to respond. She didn’t think indulging Sbu was a good idea. Because the same man who claimed not to be able to get her out of his mind had a fiancé.

‘It’s complicated,’ he said, as if reading her thoughts. ‘Every time I want to breakup with her something comes up. She’s just recently lost a cousin she was really close to.’

To Q it sounded like an excuse. If he wanted to leave her, he would.

‘I want to be with you, I really do. It’s just that…’

More excuses.

Q had accepted that she and Sbu would never be. It was just not meant to be. But he made it difficult every time he declared his undying love for her. She didn’t want to hear it anymore. She decided to leave, but Sbu arrested her steps by grabbing her wrist. A throb rippled through her body to her core, as his gentle hand connected with her skin. She wanted to walk away, but her feet failed her. She was afraid she would fall, so she held on to him. They were facing each other, staring into each other’s eyes. Sbu caressed her arm; the motion was slow, almost hesitant. She closed her eyes as the warmth within her spread. She could feel his love radiating inside of her. He used his thumb to lift up her chin. He leaned closer. She didn’t protest. Her mind was dazed. She had no control of her faculties. She didn’t understand why he had such power over her.

Their lips were so close she could feel his breath falling gentle on her face. As he leaned even closer, she got hold of her conviction and took a giant step back, as far away from him as she could manage. She wasn’t about to become the other woman in this equation.

She was about to walk away when his fiancé walked in on them. For a brief moment, she felt guilty, as if they’d been caught doing something inappropriate. Perhaps it was because Cynthia would have been upset if she’d heard their conversation. Q had nothing to feel guilty about, but Sbu did. It wasn’t her fault that he was attracted to her.

Cynthia smiled at them. If she had any inkling of their uneasiness, she gave no indication. ‘Here you are! I’ve been looking everywhere for you,’ she said. She put her arm around him and drew him closer. She was marking her territory. She was telling Q that Sbu belonged to her.

Q was taken aback. She hadn’t expected the gorgeous model that had a smoking hot body, to feel threatened by her. It just went to show that everyone had their insecurities, no matter how beautiful, how rich, or how successful. She coughed to cover the smile that was forming on her lips.

‘Come, honey, I want to introduce you to some people. Q, if you’d excuse us,’ she said.

Q nodded.

He reluctantly followed her. He seemed unhappy. Q almost felt sorry for him. She started wondering why he was with her if he was unhappy. He was an intelligent, resourceful man and yet here he was trapped in a loveless, joyless relationship. His relationship was as Q’s Facebook relationship status: it’s complicated.

Cynthia smiled at her man as they walked back inside the launch party, but she was fuming inside. She was livid, so much that she couldn’t string a sentence together. So she decided to say nothing. How dare Q lure her man outside where they’d be alone, wearing such a revealing dress? She couldn’t get out of her mind the way they’d looked at each other, the way Sbu had caressed her arm and the way he’d undressed her with his eyes. If she didn’t have a sense to interrupt them, they would have kissed. She was sure of it. More like Sbu would have kissed Q. Cynthia had seen how Q had moved back to avoid the kiss and she’d seen how her man had leaned in anyway, almost tripping over his own feet.

She grabbed a glass of wine from one of the waiters who were walking around with drinks and hors d’oeuvres. She needed something to calm her nerves so that she could think clearly. She did all in her power not to reach for the delicious tiny snacks. She was a stress eater, but she would be damned if she let that woman ruin both her evening and her figure.

She knew it was time to accelerate her plan. She had no choice; she had to take care of Q. She would ensure that Q was out of Sbu’s life permanently.

The perfume launch event was a success. The venue was packed to capacity with celebrities, businessman, and TV presenters who occasionally interviewed guests getting their opinion on the new perfume and asking them who they were wearing. Q had an unfortunate luck to run into a TV crew as she rushed back inside the venue from the balcony. She feigned a smile as best as she could and responded to all the questions patiently, giving no indication that she was in a rush. The TV presenter even made her do a little twirl for the camera so that viewers at home could see her gorgeous dress.

As soon as she was done, she rushed to the corner where her friends stood.

‘Please find me a man and do it soon,’ she said as she joined them.

Ed and Thando smiled. They’d tried for months to hook Q up, with zero results to show for it. And here she was practically begging them to do what they so enjoyed doing. They immediately started scouting around the room for a potential partner for Q. Thando scanned the room for a wealthy man, while Ed scanned the room for a handsome man.

Matt responded by pulling Q aside. ‘What happened?’ he asked.

‘I can’t do this anymore,’ Q said. She did all she could not to break down; she didn’t want to ruin her make up.

‘Do what?’

‘I bumped into Sbu outside and we almost kissed.’

‘Almost what?’Thando asked. The search for a suitable partner momentarily suspended.

‘When did this happen? Where was I?’ Ed asked feeling left out.

‘This has to stop,’ Q said.

Matt nodded. ‘Agreed,’ he said. ‘It has to stop before someone gets hurt.’

Q looked up and saw, at a distance, Sbu and Cynthia in each other’s arms, posing for a picture that would appear at the social pages of the newspaper the next day. They both smiled as the flash illuminated their faces. She could feel the tears threatening to break through.

‘I can’t do this anymore. Please take me home.’

They all scanned the room checking for an image that had caused Q to be so upset. They spotted it a few feet away. Cynthia was leaning closer to Sbu who was feigning a smile for the camera.

‘Take me home now!’

Matt immediately grabbed her arm and led her outside. Thando and Ed followed closely behind them.

Q was glad to have such good friends who were willing to leave a great launch party for her. She treasured their support. She didn’t understand why sometimes life had to be so complicated.

Troubles and Big Personalities

The first time I heard the ringing phone I thought I was dreaming. But the ringing got louder and louder and louder. I woke up with a start. I looked around the dark room. The phone continued ringing. I groaned, snapped the light on, and reached for the cell phone. The alarm clock on my bedside table proudly displayed 4:30 am. I wondered who was calling at this ungodly hour.

Tato’s name flashed across the screen.

‘Tato, this better be important. You woke me up,’ I complained.

‘Oh… you were asleep?’ he said.

I rolled my eyes, but said nothing.

‘I need a lift,’ he said.

‘What?’ I sat up on the bed and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

‘There’s a taxi strike and I need a lift to work. I just got this job; I can’t afford to show up late.’

‘Is there no one else you could call?’

I was eager to return to sleep. I still had a good three hours before I had to wake up for work.

‘No. Please, Q, you know I wouldn’t call if I had other means.’

I sighed.

‘Fine. Give me a few minutes to change and I’ll be on my way.’

I kicked the covers off and reluctantly stepped out of bed. I dragged my feet into the bathroom to freshen up. I decided I would grab a cup of strong coffee on my way out.

As luck would have it, I had a meeting with a client later that day. I was tired. My eyes refused to open, no matter how many energy drinks I consumed.

Ed laughed at me after the meeting. ‘Something wrong? I saw you doze off during the presentation,’ he said.

‘Oh no!’ I was mortified. ‘Do you think Arthur noticed that too?’ Arthur was an executive of an advertising company that ran a few ads in our magazine.

‘Yes he did.’ The voice came from behind us.

I turned to see Author Fox behind me. At that moment, I wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole.

‘Was my presentation boring, Miss Ngqiqo?’ He mispronounced my surname, but I gave him credit for trying.

‘I’m sorry.’ I couldn’t look him in the eye. I could feel all the blood in my veins rushing to my cheeks.

Ed snickered and left me to face the client alone.

‘You know what you need?’ Arthur said.

I looked up at him then. ‘What?’

‘A strong cup of coffee. Come on, it’s on me,’ he said.

Arthur had a reputation of being a player. In all the years of working with him, I was yet to see that side of him displayed. I had a feeling that if I joined him, I would see that side. I rummaged through my tired mind for an excuse.

‘I wish I could join you, but I have another meeting soon. Rain check?’ I regretted the last statement as it left my lips.

He smiled and winked. ‘I’ll hold you to that,’ he said. ‘Good day, Miss Ngqiqo.’

I winced as he mispronounced my surname, but I was relieved that he bought my excuse.

Later that evening, we attended an opening of an upmarket restaurant in Parktown. The food was delicious. The waiter was placing the main course at our table and had just opened for us our second bottle of wine. As tired as I was, I was having a lot of fun. My diet was forgotten for the night. I decided to eat everything placed in front of me, including dessert.

We were all dressed up for the occasion. Even Matt swapped his gym gear for a suit. Thando was impressed.

‘I must say, you look so damn good! I see why you hide this one, Ed. The ladies might mistakenly think he was available.’

Matt smiled. His cheeks turned red. He looked away. He lifted one hand and ran it through his hair. He hated attention.

‘I picked the outfit for him,’ Ed said.

‘Q, I heard you fell asleep at work today,’ Matt said in an attempt to change the subject. ‘What were you doing last night?’

‘Maybe the question is who she was doing?’ Ed said.

‘You were doing Tato, weren’t you?’ Thando said. She just couldn’t resist. ‘It’s ok, you can tell us.’

‘I did no one last night,’ I responded. That would have been preferable, instead of what had happened. ‘I had to pick up Tato, early in the morning, from Alex.’ I explained to them Tato’s early morning predicament.

‘I told you that he was going to use you,’ Matt said. ‘First it’s a small favour, next he’ll be asking to move in with you.’

I hated to agree with him, but he was right. ‘I know,’ I said, a little displeased. ‘He started by borrowing money.’

‘What?’ Ed said.

‘Oh wow, that’s the lowest of the low. If I were you, I would have dumped his broke ass long ago,’ Thando said. She took a bite of her chicken fillet.

‘I don’t mind helping him out, but I don’t want to be his bank or his loan shark,’ I said. ‘It makes things weird, messy and complicated; especially since he hasn’t paid me back a cent.’

Matt turned his attention to Thando. ‘Isn’t this the same thing that you do, Thando? So why should Q dump the guy?’

Thando dismissed his comment. ‘When the man has more money than the lady, the way nature intended, it’s acceptable. The other way around is not ok. No man wants his woman to have more money than him. It makes them feel emasculated.’

Matt shook his head and laughed. He understood now that there was no way to get through to Thando.

‘Why are you still with him, Q?’ Ed asked.

‘I know why,’ Thando said. She had a big grin on her face.

‘Why?’ Ed wanted to know.

I cleared my throat. ‘He has a large…’ I cleared my throat again. ‘…Personality.’

‘Really?’ Ed said, intrigued. ‘I would have never imagined that. He’s got such tiny hands.’

‘Oh, sweetie, that whole… er… hands to personality ratio isn’t always true. Small hands don’t equate to small personality and large hands don’t mean large personality,’ Thando said. ‘I dated a gorgeous man once. He was very tall, had the largest hands I’ve ever seen, but his personality was so tiny that I felt embarrassed for him.’

We laughed. Matt was the only one not laughing. He looked confused.

‘I don’t get it.’

Ed leaned closer to him and whispered to his ear one word. ‘Penis.’

Confusion cleared from his face. ‘Oh. Hand size indicating the package size. I get it now.’ He took a sip of his drink. ‘But why don’t you just say penis? Why nickname it?’

‘We’re in a public area. We don’t want to get kicked out of this amazing restaurant,’ I said. For the first time that evening, I took in the beauty of the restaurant. I looked around. The opening was a success. The restaurant was fully booked. The waiters were running around taking orders, delivering food and drinks, and clearing tables as they became unoccupied. They ushered people from the waiting area, who’d been waiting all night for a table to become available.

‘Well, it doesn’t matter the size of his personality, you don’t want him to empty your bank account,’ Thando said. ‘I don’t want to see you hurt.’

‘I know.’ I’d realised that this relationship was not going to work, size of personality notwithstanding. But it was still sad to admit.

‘Good men are hard to come by,’ I said.

‘Don’t worry, someday you’ll find someone special,’ Ed said.

‘Like Sbu,’ Thando said out of the blue.

I looked at her in disbelief. Why on earth would she mention his name? Why now? I became angry. I was about to respond to her when she said, ‘He’s here.’

‘What?’ The anger I had felt only a second ago was replaced with anxiety. I wanted to hide under the table. For a split second, I wished that Tato were next to me so I could flaunt him in front of Sbu.

‘I wonder what size personality he has,’ Thando said.

They giggled. I didn’t join them. I kept thinking that out of all restaurants in the Jo’burg area, Sbu just had to come to this one.

Sbu walked into my view. My breath was suspended in my throat. He looked so good. He was dressed so well, as if the designer had him in mind when he designed the pants and shirt. All the feeling that I thought were buried, resurfaced all at once, torturing me. In one second, he’d managed to turn my amazing evening into a dreadful one.

I plastered a smile on my face and prayed that my inner turmoil was not showing on my face. I had to accept that our relationship would forever be like the Facebook relationship status: “it’s complicated”.